To my lovely sheep: Update

Dear gers... jus a small update..i will continue blogging.. a source and outlet of my voice... Jus wan to confess that i haven been updating cos i din noe the password and id.. oppss.. heh... Glad to see you all growing in independance and unity.. keep going.. all these process will be worth it all...

In the month of novemeber, have been excited about the coming new year... 'cos deep in my heart.. i know that the Lord wans to give me a fresh beginning in the coming year... Though the final will be beautiful.. as He has promised that He makes all things beautiful in His time.. The process towards it sure is tough.As i go thru thru process of pruning.. i realised what emotional pain and physical pain is all about.

Emotional pain is when u loss someone that matters so much to you.. it's really like a piece of flesh sliced of from ur heart... you heart keeps bleeding yet you have noe idesa how to stop the bleeding.. the shrinking feeling from the heart.. the unfamiliar and aloft coldness jus makes one shudder at the thought of it.

Physical pain isn't easy either.. in this process of healing from the operation.. i feel so much like a child.. helpless.. weak... this feeling is terrible.. each time i need attention, i need to ring that bell, which my current personal nurse has kindly provided.. from walking to going to the toilet, to eating.. you can't help yourself.. i realise that i really dislike feeling weak and being helped yet not even being able to express gratitude.. maybe the Lord i teaching me about recieving the unconditional love of His.. simply not expecting return..

In both pains.. what keeps me frustrated is not knowing when the pain will end.. it's just living day by day.. hoping that the pain the heart will fade.. that over time the person becomes less important.. it's just hoping that day by day, the swelling will reduce and you are able to do more things on ur own..

Yet the Lord is moudling me in patience.. be still and know He is God in control..Over time, i learn to give thanks for every little thing in all circumstances.. that seem to increase the faith in me.. to the fact that i am able to breathe more air to the fact tat i can sleep more.. the feeling was terrible.. when that night i cldn't breathe.. i did not wan to disturb my parents.. i know they are tired.. yet i do not want to go back to the hospital... where you are jus stuck to the bed.. counting each passing minute. i was reminded how christ took each breathe with great pain.. i was gasping for air..i tried to even breathe thru my mouth which is tightly sealed.. tho it hurts, i have no choice.. i can't sleep.. for the fear that i might stop breathing and jus pass away.. i really felt like giving up.. even this act of breathing.. all i cld do was call upon His name..and keep meditating upon Psalms23.

My dad woke up to watch tv with me.. he knew my fears tired as he was... he kept assuring me that it was temporal.. Thank God in the next morning.. i tried sth new.. sneezing out stuff frm my swollen nose..all the blocked up stuff came out.. and i was able to breathe..Now my daily routine includes:1) clear nose2) gurgle mouth3) eat food4) take medicine5) bathe6) moisturize mouth7)take medicine8) eat9) bathebaths and icing of the body is my favourite.. delievers me of the discomfort temporarily.. even though i have stocked up lotsa entertainment.. i still can't find the strength to carry them out.. but i still wana claim the speedy recovery.. in the midst of it all.. my mum recieved a word from the Lord.. psalms 91. I jus wan to give thanks that i have the Lord to walk thru this with me.. i really wonder how others go thru it without Him.

By the way, does peng have this blog info??
=)

more than friends.

wow, the way val recorded the event makes everything sound so interesting... i mean, it was interesting lah :) it was quite sad that yiting and nuanyi couldnt even come, and oh fiona on her holiday too... but nevertheless, those who were around really made things special.

friday night it was nice just lying on the beach and seeing the few shining stars in the nightsky. and finally, we didnt have to converse via msn into the wee hours of the morning... we had a chance to talk LIVE! despite the little hours slept, it was really comfortable knowing that your friends are around you. i remember pastor debra when she prayed for unity said that we are more than friends but family. :) i enjoyed the night cycling, to just feel the wind blowing against our faces was a peaceful feeling, and a moment of forgetting all the cares and worries. whats memorable was the running in the rain together, the coldness and the wetness just gives one a sense of liberty, an out of norm sort of feeling.

the getting ready for dinner was amusing as the girls stood around fussing over my hair and my make-up. i said i felt like a white mouse. nevertheless, i feel so blessed by this spiritual family. :) a friend commented that ive really found a good community. guess i am touched seeing how you guys really tried to help out, be it entertaining yourselves, or even talking to dae, passing me the tissue to give to my grandma... wow who passed me huh? all the little details. its always the small things that matter.

the present! heh. thanks. i see the effort behind it all...all the 5 AMs and the 6 AMs :)

guess what's significant about a family is that none is left behind or forgotten. dont we all miss mel? its amazing but yeh we prayed together and the next day her blocked nose was cleared!

may we grow stronger even when mel's not around. thank God for this family.

The Gathering

0ps i forgot to put my name.. Val here posting the entry below.. hahha..

The Gathering

As i made my way from des's chalet at East coast Coasta Sands today, i was listening to the songs by Reuben Morgan. A CD album left untouched and unheard in my mp3 player. I felt prompted to listen to it, so there i sat, on the bus 25, still, recollecting the things that happened the past two days... Quietly, i mumbled a prayer of thanks to the Lord for this gathering i found special.

I thought of the day i made my way to des's chalet. I had a dread in my heart, or rather i would call it a burden even though i look forward to the chalet and spending the nite out n stuff.. Dan was on my mind coz i replied his msgs...and i know i shouldn't but i din know how to handle him. I was tellin God to stop testing me anymore. But now, here i am thankin God for all the blessings.

Though we din really spend much time together, i thank God for all the fellow sisters in Christ that He has showered me with. I remembered that when i first accepted Christ, haha i told mel that i din know how to talk to girls and handle girls coz at that time, most of my friends were male...Here i am, talkin to them happily, singing songs and dancing 'fairy' n 'phoenix' dances..Really did tink that way, wad else do u have to lose talkin to these girls? as if they are so intimidating...These are the blessings that God showered me with, how abundant his love and blessings are!

And oh, hahha i managed to learn cycling. Thank God for charmaine, ys, des and von for patiently teaching me and giving me encouragements although i kept sayin that i cant do it...Thanks for des, von and charm who held on to me tightly in case i fall, and also ahha ys who ran all the way with me after i learnt to cycle, jus in case i fall too, coz she din teach me how to use the brake.. hahha... We had great time after that, playin guitar (of coz not me la..),singin songs n dancing, sumo-wrestling, playing sparklers (sponsored by Mr Sparkler) haha and of coz star-gazing... After which we went back to bathe n erm slp for awhile.. Though we missed the Pastor William's plannin on sat mornin, we had Reg to inform us.. But the previous day one was good, felt ministered and also that there was a renewal in the spirit, mind as well as heart.. mmm are they the same? oh well... renewal for God basically. =)

Second day was of coz tau-poking... not me but the birthday gal.. and charm n ys of coz.. hah it was fun coz me n von were just in charge of tau-pok iing other pp.. and watch them being tau-poked. hahha! Meet Reg at parkway to have lunch, gwen joined us a little later, but she left after awhile.. sigh, too bad she cant join us for the fun... But at least she had the heart to come down...des, hah ain't u touched? yupz u shud man.. hee... dinner was much later, but the bdae girl..yea had to entertained the rest of her frens n stuff...

Thank God for panda, u have been a g00d gal... ehh (sry i am quite high nw,bet von is sleepin alr). wad i mean is, u are really independent at ur age.!im proud of u hah coz i tink i cant do that man..but sometimes, i tink its tiring to do everyting alone, thats wad we are here for, to help u.. hah so dun be shy in askin for help. We are humans, not mighty mouse..and also gal, DARE TO BELIEVE THAT THE BROADRICK GALS WILL ACCEPT THE LORD THIS MOL. I BELIEVE THEY WILL, BE IT 1,2 OR 3 OF THEM..hee..yea and ys, although i know u guys wont read tis blog, or mayb seldom, but i reali wana affirm u that you have been doin a good job in serving the Lord by serving the people ard u (steppin outta comfort zone to talk to daeyna) .. Im proud of tis niece, hah im sure ur mum is also proud of you too! N yea von, hah mel did told me b4 that u are quite crappy n stuff, n though at times people may find u superficial, i have caught the caring sight of ya...yea that is the way u express ur love.. hah thank u for lettin me tis verse 'the joy of serving' is really made lighter when u offered to even acc me bring zhifu to expo.. hah the offer is good enuff, and i really appreciate it alot...Serving together, be it in GB or other tings really makes serving more fun and lighter...

Ain't these more than enuff blessings that the Lord has bless me with? Indeed the Lord lavishes His love on us.. I really like the song 'Christ Divine' and 'Keep me'. speaks of God's promises with us. Thank God that mum, sis and lyd is coming for MOL.. Im excited about Christmas and the tings the Lord is going to do in my life! I love you guys.

words can never be enough.

just came back from jurong east, went IMM n je popular bookstore with reg, von n charm.. was looking for someting for someone...tiring day, woke up late and went for gb recruitment late... =( everyting late, but thank god that zy,jy n ai shang came to help out and had a lil bondin with them... learnt to make plastic stars using straws.. its reali cool, plus i learnt knittin yesterday! thanks to fiona who was a good and patient teacher! hee...

its been ages since i blogged.. well... previously i wanted to, but then i forgot my password n userid to my own blog.. that goes to show how long i have not been blogging.. bleahh. watever..hah i know i am blur....thanks des for giving me the cell's blog, its reali nice seeing all these pics that we have taken together...GB camp just ended, was not bad though except that i wasnt reali in a very good state when i was handling this camp. At least there were officers helpin out and makin sure everyting goes well...thank God for them, i hope that they do learn someting outta the camp though...celebrated with mel n the entire subzone christmas at reg's hse, was fun and i hope that kat sees the love we have for one another.

Met up with my ex a couple of weeks ago, perhaps i shouldn't have. Last night he called again. 4 missed calls. I had to hide my handy under the pillow. It was so easy to just press the 'answer' buttton. But i just knew that i cant. Because this simple action will lead to disobedience, and i dun want to disobey, but the flesh is weak. I cant deny that fact. How time flies, 6 more days and i would have known him for 3 years. It has been 2 years since the break-up. But so? Have to move on and not live in deception. i will move on.

*lonestar*

early christmas.