Hi guys fiona here! Right now stuck in my office typing this because they have got nth much for me to do…so very bored. Its amazing how everyone can go on living or working like usual when so much so much has happened over the weekend. I just feel like standing up n scream that people r mourning and dying out there while we still can sit at our office desks in front of the comp. We just dun knoe how lucky we r…our little red dot would probably have sunk if the tsunami had hit a diff direction. But we must still go on living our lives….i must go on living happy that I am still alive. The headlines of yesterday’s streats struck me “ it was as if GOD had released his anger” how true…affected countries with a high percentage of non-believers. It also struck me that ever since christmas day it has been raining regularly everyday…it feels like GOD is crying for the many lost souls. Its occurrence on christmas day needs no explanation what it can represent. So sad how sad. I know what I can do at least…I want to tell you all that u guys are great n I luv yah lots. I am thankful and grateful to have u all as frens! Let’s continue to pray for lost souls.

Thank you des n von for affirming my self confidence n image. U guys (all of u), church n GOD have been filling up the vacuum that I have reserved for that special someone by stealing away my weekend. No idle time no idle thots! its great to be single sometimes. No boyfren no luv problems n headaches! But dun u think e easiest person to get along is URSELF. crushes r okay so long as u dun invest too much luv, time n effort into it. Being single u often find urself the butt of teasing with every available guy but oh well i am getting used to it n mastering e art of acting blur. been too good looking i realised its quite a headache when u ve too many choices...u just find urself caught in a dilemma. i nv had such a headache before! in the meantime i will just continue acting like a high school girl having crushes now n then n concentrate on graduating n finishing my attachment. zhuzhu (my male pet rabbit) is gd enough for the time being...he is my little angel that showers me with his unconditional luv n joy. My 2005 new year resolution is to step out of this depressive mode n be positive.

P/s: So sorry regina if I snapped at u that day….really u dun have to introduce anyone to me..if it was meant to be whoever would have noticed me n thus needing no introduction at all. Let me learn how to luv GOD wholeheartedly first, I dun want to be a burden to anyone.

hello all~
this is yvonne here. would just like to affirm fiona for sharing her heart during the Retreat. i so wanted to tell her that she is not alone in feeling that way too. about the whole boyfriend thingy. but i didn't really know what to say after that, guess i had to organize my thoughts n put them down here.

i had manophobia before and i want to announce that i am no longer afflicted by it. i really used to dread talking to guys and really hating it whenever guys are invited to outings. i'm just a little shy now talking to guys, but the phobia is gone. as i've claimed in my blog before to overcome manophobia by the end of this year. and Praise God! haha i did. i asked God to give me guy friends too, because in sol i had learnt that it is good to have a balance of guy and gal friends. and He did. sending a couple of them along my way haha.

but of course there are days when i feel doubtful about myself because everyone around me seems to be attached or to have guys interested in them except for me. i felt that having a guy interested in me would make me feel better and more confident about myself. i guess alot of girls face this sort of issue, but few really articulate it out loud. and the fact that fiona had the courage to share it really touched me.

but i know that that is a lie. about the fact that i need a guy to make me worthy. but i believe today that i am beautiful and pretty in my own way. because my lovely sisters and mother here always tell me so. and i am starting to believe in that too. :D you can see that i have more confidence in me as compared to before~ so fiona, you ARE beautiful and pretty in your own way too. as we all are.

mel always preached about "unyoked relationships" but that i feel it is just a symptom of something deeper. it's about being confident and satisfied in God. because when you are, not even Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise will waver you. it's an easy thing to say, but it takes alot of struggle and working through to get there. and i am still getting through to it.

it is not wrong to have the desire to want someone to love and like you i guess. coz God placed those desires in us in the first place. but to serve God must be the first thing on our minds and He has promised us, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all the rest shall be added unto you." [my fav verse hehe]

yep yep, and i admire valerie too for her decision to even decide to serve God wholeheartedly and breakaway from past r/s. it's not an easy thing, and God will honour that decision. hmmm think i have said alot...but wow. i think i am good. hahah.

maybe i should go write a book instead. heh.

Wanna share a song from Nadine's worship in Encounter Weekend. She said it was the song that led her dad to accept Christ the first time he heard it. Hope it speaks to us too ;)

Majesty (Here I Am) by Delirious

Here I am
humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am
humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Hey hey!! I miss YOU people! Two weeks of not meeting the cell alr. Update me on the happenings pleaseee? Looking forward to tmr's magicBox, and you know what? We have a new member (ZL's friend) who's a drummer! But he's a guy [so can't keep permanently :( ]

I just came back from Encounter. It's so wow! for me... This EW does not have many of those wailings, that is the people there not super emotional like those EWs I've gone before. But I cried so much. It was not a easy task going as a guide especially for people I do not really know. I was scared for a few nights... and I must say it's really hard. But God is good!! Other than letting me return back to the basics like the cross and His love, He also healed me. I really thank God for doing a great work in the BP cell. I thank God for every breakthrough in their lives. It wasn't easy for them too. I guess this EW is special 'cos almost all of us went through some kind of inner turmoil... each in a different area. Nadine had it when she had to lead worship, Mel had it when she had to do teaching for one session, the BP girls had it for their different struggles surrending different areas to God, I had it when I had to be alone with unfamiliar people. I thank God that yes, everything came out GOOD! We all overcame! His love sustained us through... I wanna confess that the only reason y i went EW was 'cos of mere obedience out of love for GOd. I said I wanna pick up the cross to follow Him and so I went tho I was so fearful. And to me, it wasn't easy... but He held my hands and walked with me through. And I thank God I'm blessed by the Encounter and the people. So I encourage us all to take the step of faith out of love and I trust that He'll bring us through, no matter how tough. ;)

hello here i am again~ hehe i promised earlier that i would post a revelation right? but i think today i shall post something else...because i feel that this verse speaks very close to my heart.

1 samuel 12: 20, 22

"Do not be afraid," Samuel replied "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart...For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own."

i am touched by what samuel has said about God. because i know many times i fall short of God's perfect standard of being sinless and blameless in everything that i do. and i often feel guilt and sometimes i feel like running away from God because of that. and this verse really tells us that God knows our humanity and imperfectness.

he understands that sometimes we may fall and yet he still says that he is pleased to make us his own. and today when we sin, he calls us not to turn away from him...because there is no condemnation is Christ. what we should do is SERVE HIM WITH ALL OUR HEART.

no matter what you have done, God will never forsake you. so hehe...my dear sisters...today don't let sin draw you away from God. but let it remind you how much you need God.

let us all apply it into our lives today k?? God bless. this is von here. hehe.

hello~~ first time blogging....hehe. i think what fiona has said is a very good example of why the bible calls us to be "set apart" for God. i mean the world believes that through pursuing success only can we gain happiness but don't we all know that that is a filthy lie?? fiona i encourage you today to be Christlike in your workplace...this is where God has placed you, and in the darkest of times only can your star shine so bright bright!! don't be discouraged when things around you are bleak but in all circumstances be thankful yeah~ i know its easy to say for me but i know if you ask God today He will bring you through :D

today sol2 was very good. it wasn't ps william but ps josephine...she so crappy~ wahahaha..i like. we prayed in tongues for 20 mins!! and after tat nadine n i prayed in tongues for another 20 mins again while praying for grace to receive tongues :p n its really good...its very good for your spiritman really....i feel so energised and happy even when i have like 2 exam papers tomolo n it's really impossible for me to study everything finish by this time. haha.

but by God's grace i shall study the minimal and use it for the maximal. amen.

next time let us all spent time praying in tongues ok? i had a revelation while reading the bible a few days ago...shall post it up when i have time after exams [which is TOMORROW] haha. take care u guys :) God bless all of u~

yah u guys r right...working life can be so polluted with dirty jokes, lewd comments, vulgar language n bitching. my supervisor tells me to survive in this industry i have to be pushy & persistent in order to meet deadlines....feels like a cold blooded monster to me. my supervisor has been trying to prep talk me into deciding for my future career. graduates find their jobs a year before they graduate....I was often told. i really really dun knoe what am i going to do when i graduate in july next year. No perfect dream n passion. marketing is just an interest n sth i enjoy but have no strong passion for it. when the time comes for me to decide, i will do whatever the Lord wants me to do......I still cant figure out what he has in store of my career. I feel lost.. all i knoe is that he holds my hand. am i trusting him enough? my supervisor was just asking me what i do during the weekends. I say church activities....she told me she used to attend CHC n stopped because she is too busy with work n she finds that after a while the pastors repeat the same stuff again & again. they do but isnt it for a good reason. another backsliding christian. its so sad...i can hear the underlying sarcasm as she assumes the church as my only interest in life and that my attendance in church is to be a pastor or to work for the church. My christian life consist alot more than that n a lot more than what she can imagine!!!!!!!! we dun attend church to be pastors!!!!! y r we christians viewed in this way? like we have some kind of ulterior motive? as if we r a bunch of hypocrites? she made it sound like everyone also can be pastors? these are precious gems specially hand picked by GOD we r talking abt. not every tom, dick n harry like me r up to this job. but what is GOD's calling for me in my life? luv fiona

Coming to blog announcement. Ps Debra has booked MagicBox for us... on Dec6! 2-5pm. woohoo. Our first pre-arranged jamming session!! and according to Des, _ _ _ _ _ has agreed to join us. I guess Von will b learning drums, 'cos Des doesnt want to. But NY n Fiona cant join us. NY, we'll have another power jamming of jay chou songs after their return from mission trip.

Yupz, Fiona.. we'll b praying. Nowadays, i'm seeing more lost sheep. Let's continue with passion praying for the harvest. Believing they'll come and accept Jesus as the answer for their lives! The christmas bash is coming. Sth to get excited about. and NY n I are starting sch too. Make use of our hols... your last call to jio us out. [getting crappy.]

-looking forward to Dec6!!-

Oops. I'm blogging again. (Result of no personal blog?) Yay!! People's exam are coming to an end soon. It's so fast. My exam results are due to b out today. But it's 12.50AM now... n the system is still not showing. Heart's pounding faster... Schoolmate said 8am. Wonder if i can still slp.
Oh yes.. i'm blogging 'cos i got sth to say. NY, Regi n I finally settled down to decide on the subzone T-shirt design. Since we just got new shirts and pple might nt b willing to pay, we've decided to do our own and let u guys view. If u want, den get it. GoOna b good manz. *excited* N it's gonna b a pink T-shirt. ;)
Came across this passage while reading an e-mail daily bread. It spoke to me. Wanna share.
Psalm 51:7-127
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I willbe whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide Your face from my sins and blot outall my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

hey, i've seen the new look on our cell blog. i think it rocks. thank u desiree for changing it. we all need a renewal, so does our blog. and i just feel so grateful for this family that god has given me. i really enjoy the time we spend together fellowshiping, worshiping him like yesterday. and all the support, thank u very much. i never really knew i had friends like this and i'm glad god showed me he didn't forget to give them to me. the joy that you guys place in my heart creates a longing in me to yearn for more. and maybe this is the kind of joy that god intends us to have. one that is from the family and when we worship and fellowship together. sometimes i really wish we all didn't have to leave, i wish everyday can be saturday. with god, with you cuz it's really not easy being out there alone. i know everyday can be saturday, but saturday is just a different day. like desiree, i also dunno why i'm blogging here instead of my own. but it just feels different. but right now, this blog is no longer lonely. maybe my own one is. there's a family here and who wouldn't enjoy having a family to blog with. but really, there's still so much more to grow and know each other about cuz when i looked at each of you, i thought what do i know about their spiritual life and what they're facing now? somehow i really can't answer that. it's just a face to me, but behind every face is a story, but one untold. right now, i really feel like i'm so far from who god wants me to be. there's so many things that i haven't done, the attitudes that i didn't realised i had and yet to correct. it's really not easy to put on a whole new set of attitudes tomorrow, but little by little, i'll try to change. the first step of changing is recognising. let's all recognise the problems with our old attitudes and put on new ones today, one by one. god bless you all, especially those with exams. take care. (i really can't wait to jam with our new-formed band. i hope we can do it, as in produce nice music, though we know almost zero about drums, i pray that god will help us. indeed, serve before you seek to be entertained. serve with passion.)

for the cell:
Heavenly Father... I thank you for this wonderful family. Thank you for all the victories won. Lord, i ask that you teach us how to love like how u love us. I ask that you teach us how you see us and your love for us that we can always stand in awe of. Father, I thank you for sending Jesus to be with us. Even as we fail to be there always for each other, You are there for us. Lord, I ask that you continue to do the cleansing work in each of our lives. We give you the freedom to remove any competing thrones in our lives for we want You as our no. 1 always! Though it may be painful but Lord, you promised that that is still the best way out. Remind us to continuously to trust in You - the God who is in control. And never to let the desire for You to die. For You are the air that we breathe. Create in us a pure heart. And guide us in walking right with You each day. Allow each of us to find our significance in You alone Father. May the blood of the lamb be upon us. And bless all those (Von, Des, Mel, Char, YT) who're studying for exams and satisfy each of their needs. Be with Fiona as she starts her attachment. And may the rest make full use of their holidays for You. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' sweetest name i pray, Amen.

Woohoo. I'm still high from the mini worship we had just now. Fiona must join us nxt time!! I love the guitar, i love this family and i love this God! Okay, told u i was high. So magicBox onz? Shall be waiting for you pepz exams to end!

Today was quite terrific. 'Cos Ps Khong msg kinda spoke to me. Last night God showed me this person tat my unkind words are always directed at. My response was "God, do i surgery for my heart." I know whenever I judge pple, I'll judge myself too. So in e end, i end up hating myself. Felt lots of shame, guilt. So Pastor Khong's new beginning from this day really refreshed me. Plus the Holy Sprit gave me a vision of Him visiting me while we were singing "Holy Spirit rain down". I shall guard my heart. -standing in awe of how He saved a wretch like me-

Oh yes, i cant stop singing this. She has decided to follow Jesus, She has decided to follow Jesus, She has decided to follow Jesus, No turning back NO turning back!! These days having this joy within me, can't help being proud of NY. Hey girl, we want you to know, we'll be here for you. Jesus loves you and We do too!

fiona here. so sorry couldnt be there to join u guys...just missed out on another chance to get to knoe u guys better. i feel like a newbie sometimes but u guys have been tolerant as i'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with....having a rather reserved n weird personality that needs lots of warming up before it gets chatty. a split personality? guess i need to move on beyond toking abt generic stuff like school work which gets really really dry after a while. we need more time n more chances to get to knoe each other better, dun we?

after hearing mel's prep talk to the cell group n subzone, i felt a bit guilty. sometimes i hear that little voice in my head saying pray for this person but often i think a bit too much, wait a bit too long, hesitate a bit too much n the opportunity flies away as fast as it came. i am such a bad girl...i dun listen n do what HE wants me to do. no wonder HE doesnt speak to me when i am expecting HIM to. i am listening to too many other voices. i need to change dun i?

another thing was that everyone seems to zip up during the sharing session. i am highly guilty of that...just afraid everyone will sort of look at me with jaundiced eyes n say "i didnt knoe fiona is like dat" actually i wanted to share this during the sharing session but held back coz my bro was ard. actually GOD spoke to me thru mel's prayer...it hit a raw nerve when she said "somebody said some hurtful words to u...i think of family....it created the inferior complex in u" woops the first person that came to my mind was my mum. i had a very unhappy childhood bcoz of her fiery temper that nobody wants to offend. in my face she tells me that i am ugly that i am only good for studying. even if its the truth no girl wants to be told that! its hurtful! its just too bad that i aint a replica of her beauty when she was younger just like my sis. yah thus i always felt inferior to my sis in every way. my mum was e biggest barrier that stopped me fr attending church all these yrs. but i have forgiven her. her recent conversion to christianity helped to improved our relationship n her child like faith continues to amaze me. n i am encouraged by her to attend church! something totally impossible of her in the past. hallelujah!

I will pray i will try to be stronger, to be more positive, to be more beautiful in his eyes!

*applause* for Des! I love tat pic. a new look, a new feel.
I really thank God for the bond I feel in this family. Suddenly I learn to appreciate the passage about each of us having a different role in the family. Through all the after-SOL outings and other gatherings, we've learnt more about each other. Really enjoyed those times we spent together. And NY! We're all rejoicing tat you've overcomed and your love for Jesus stands firm and strong above all else! The angels in heaven rejoices with us. ;)
I really wanna thank God for every single individual in the cell - we won't b complete without everyone of u. (but we're still encouraging more rite?) Thank God for the leader - words r not enough 2 express my gratitude. Thank God for the cross - i marvel at His grace. Thank God for Jesus - the man who showed tat there's hope... in me, for me.
Princesses in Christ, let's continue to shine for Jesus... for in Him, there's hope in the world.

This is my first post on this blog too. I'm following NY's cue to post. I want to thank God for every single individuals here. Had lots of fun and laughter. All the Jay Chou singing and rappings. I realised God placed many musically talented people here. :) Let's continue to bring joy around... and shine for Jesus! =)
-Weiying-

My first blog for this cell blog, and all I wanna say is I thank God for this family that is here. For each and everyone in this cell because you all are so great and special and great fun. For all the times that I spent with you guys, it just rocks cuz I know it's a family and such great fun to be spending time with this family. So thank you all for everything. For accepting one another and loving each other. Thank you for all the joy and fun. Let's continue to be happening and rock the place even more!! God bless all!

::nuan yi::

Heyhey,

it must have been ages since i written something here. Sorry for my MIA.

Spook Show was alright, though i felt that last's year's show was better. Maybe it is because i am not in tune with the psychics and stuff and so it did not speak to me as much.

Feel that there is a need to share with you all what has been going on, with regards to my absence from cell and church. I guess it is my same old problem of not being able to commit to God as i could to any school stuff. Mel is often puzzled how i could stay back for hours just for a cca meeting. But to me, it is not a cca but a meeting up with good friends and an important time to relax. i do not know why i cannot relate to cell and church the same way as school activities. Am absolutely sure it is not you guys (don't worry!) that makes me turn away every weekend. it's just that school activities are legitimate reasons to stay out in my family's point of view, and i totally enjoy what i am involved in.

Church and cell has been pressurizing in a way. It has been like this since jc times and a feeling of dread always lingers when the weekend comes. Totally dread asking whether i can go for church on sat. Since young, i always tell my mum to where and with whom i will be going out with, thus saying i am going somewhere else will make me feel very guilty. think the problem stems from my mum still wanting to make decisions for me, or rather i have not proven to her that i can stand for myself.

And another thing my brother will jeer at me everytime i come back from service because he is so anti. His comments can really affect me and i think "why do i have to go through this?" and regret going for church stuff. i guess i am not the kind who can bravely push on when i feel judged at home. and that i have to face my family day in day out. Even during service, i will worry about what he will say and it feels absolutely dreadful. and i really don't want to upset things at home.

and i find it hard to say an outright "no, i do not want to go for this and that" because you guys are my friends and that church stuff can mean so so much to you guys. i know God is the real one i have to account to, but making you all disappointed everytime is making me feel bad. Thus i always feel that there is a need to give an indefinite answer first although in my mind, i know i will not go. This is so superficial of me :( My mum always tells me to come up with excuses instead of saying things outright thus i think i am totally influenced by this manner of handling stuff, since she repeats this kind of advice at any available opportunity. and i know she means well and does not want me to spoil my relationship with you guys.

SIGH.

i guess through all this, church has become an emblem of discomforting thoughts and situations. it does nto seem to be liberating or happy place, nor it is a place where i can be relieved of my problems. instead, it seems to be a reason behind my perceived problems of felling pressurized, unhappy etc. Thus i find it extremely hard and even illogical to sacrifice time and my life for God. Taking the first step into a situation i will probably find dreadful and unbearable for a long time seems out of the question.

i fear there is no more hunger, nor do i desire for any at the moment.
really don't know where i will go from here.

jo

hey hi guys...fiona here!!!! thot i should post sth coz the last entry was in june. somehow glad to be back! the memories n the frens i made in perth....nv forget them for they have changed my life forever. i believed that i have walked a few more steps closer to the LORD.  nv mind what others may say i knoe i have become stronger, more confident n positive abt life. no more that sad, negative, depressed  freak i was before. the side of me that unknown to all but myself n HIM.  survivor of the worst time i ever had in my life. miss my frens in perth but i knoe its time to pick up from where i last left n move on with a new life as a new person.  friendships, memories n lessons learnt will always be close to my heart n part of my life. would like to thank some of you guys for your emails n for taking time to chat on icq with me. would luv the chance to get to  knoe u guys better since i am back for good.

hello kc n mich here.

hihi fiona here!!!! i knoe u guys r having a lot of stress about the exams n stuff.....remember today's daily bread teaching that when the circumstances overwhelm and seem too much to bear, depend upon the Lord for strength and trust his tender care. will pray for all of yah!! i am pretty much struggling myself with loneliness, boredom, home sickness, being racially insulted, problems with flatmate and the list goes on. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me just bearly two months of being here in Perth....i just break out in tears over small things. i feel dat i havent laughed for a long time. Lost my cheerfulness n became a sad, worried, lonely n sensitive freak. n poor jolene's email seems to be flooded with all my problems n lamentings. i have wondered so many times y GOD had brought me to this place to go through all these...wouldnt it been better if i stayed in spore. but now i knoe how wrong i am to think that way. I have never felt so excited, looking forward to the end of the week coz there is cell group meetings on friday and church on sunday. n with the free time on hand, i have started reading the bible from page one n getting fascinated by the biblical characters n HIS wonderful miracles. I am listening to the christian radio station everyday too...unfortunately only a few of the songs r christian song. the radio station have very powerful speakers who share their testimonies every night....every time i feel that God is speaking to me thru their message. I have finally sorted out my thots tonight...GOD brought me here so that i can spend more time with him n not the short 10 minutes i devote to him in spore every night. He also wanted me to go thru all these trials so that i can learn to lean on him n let him take control of my life. Life is never lonely without Him!!! i promise u all esp jolene that i will learn to let go of my problems n be optimistic n happy no matter what happens!!!!

yoyoyo vonnie here.

hmm. yup...when i read des blog i really felt as though God is speaking to me you know. so many times i've told myself to rest in God rest in God rest in God but eventually i don't really practice what i've preached. i fret and worry and i keep asking God why am i doing so abyssmally in my modules...i falter and i doubted and all this while i keep saying i will trust in God.

i feel so ashamed.

had a horrendous test today. yar. sounds and words. dah. i shared melissa's past test papers with my friends and in the end it helped them in answering the test. but i felt as though i screwed up the test, and i didn't put melissa's answers to good use at all. and i felt as though you know, like a selfish human being would, like why am i so stupid to share melissa's answers with them? and i felt terrible thinking that way. because melissa lent me her answers to be a blessing to me, so i should spread the blessing to others too.

it's as though God keeps testing me, stretching my patience and my faith this sem. putting me in many situations where i'd fall in my walk in Him, doubting Him and yet you all keep saying i have a childlike faith. i really don't deserve this. i wish i could be strong in my faith, and not go into periods of highs and lows.

yar, but i was just asking God again to just touch me once more. and i suddenly feel that all this while i've been coming to God with a wrong heart. i come to God expecting Him to bless me. Expecting Him to do something good. and i realise that is not resting in Him at all. i am His servant and obeying Him is something i should do. (i noe the bible did mention something like tat lar) Not that God doesn't want to bless me or what, but my focus has been on the blessings, and not on God.

i haven't learnt to let go. letting go is the hardest thing i can do right now. but i told God that even though i may fail in my modules eventually or what, i will still continue to praise God. because i already have what i need in this life, and that's enough for me. doing badly is just a phase in life, but praising God is never-ending. and i know in future i will encounter setbacks and i may falter in my faith, but i will rise up again and continue to praise Him. yup, that's my prayer to Him.

and i thought of this song:

i was made to praise You
i was made to glorify Your name
in every circumstance
to find a chance to thank You
i was made to love You
i was made to worship at Your feet
and to obey You lord
i was made for You.

star light star bright
hihi fiona here!!! wanna tell yah abt this incredible guy who came to my church last Sunday to share the word with us. he is known as Brother Yun fr China....also known as the heavenly man (he had a book written abt him) i havent got the chance to read the book yet but this is roughly what i knoe. he became a christian when he was 16 n at that age he has converted thousands of ppl. makes u feel small n think about how much u have done for God is so little in comparison to him. at that time, christians in china faced a lot of persecution fr the government. n it was so very diff for him to get a bible...but he prayed very hard n one day two guys came knocking at his door with a bible. one of them had a vision fr God to ask his fren to pass the bible to brother Yun. makes u think how lucky we r...we can get or buy a bible so easily. one day..i think he was having something like a cell grp meeting when the police got tipped off abt their meeting. he tried to escape but he heard a voice telling him to jump thru the window. he did just dat n jumped into the police's hands. the police laughed at him n ask him if he thot of escaping...he said yes if he could...they broke his legs to stop him fr escaping no more. he was thrown into an individual dark cell. again a voice told him to stand up n walk out of the cell. he believed just dat n miraculously his legs r healed n he walked out of the jail without any one catching him. there was a taxi waiting for him outside some more. its just so unbelievable n wonderful! or not he wont be standing there dat day sharing his story with us. so many ppl turn up that day to hear him speak.many ppl in china like him r persecuted for the faith. must pray for them. i remember reading newspapers abt undergrd churches in china...how ppl secretly attend churches. bcoz the legal churches r greatly controlled by the govt n teachings r unorthodox.

Hello dears... jus din wan to leave the blog silent... so yup decided to post something. Jus want to say that i feel really encouraged to see you all growing so much in the Lord. It's like nowadays, i just know that i'll see you all at svc, not becos' u all have to but becos u wan to. :) Jus feel so glad! JO- thanks for trying to lighten y burdens... coming up with the diff roles in cell. really appreciate it. ANd also congrats on completing post enc- i hope that thru' it you have known God better, and will be excited bout SOL 1..etc.. not cos of the structure of things but cos God will meet you all.. Des- Thanks for sharing with me bout the pple you are reaching out too.. it really encourages me to keep praying for the pple God has shown me.. you are really that "silent killer", without much words, with u ard, i will jus feel happy, also i know God is pleased that you have not stopped sharing the love of his, cos this is the esssence of christainity to Love God and Love the people, of which both are necessary. I know that ur prayers are powerful, cos they are really sincere ones. Vonne- thanks also for listening to me when i needed a listening ear.. really glad to see you growing so much in GOd.. you are really one of a childlike faith.. Just believing Him and practicing what you have learnt... i believe that GOd is pleased 'cos he says" unless we become like the child, we will not enter HIs kingdom" . Continue practicing that faith of yours. Grace- Thanks for always being so sweet, all the notes, etc. You have really been someone very affirming. Glad to see you grow in the area of forgiveness, etc.. wana affirm you that you have grown.. Hope to see u baptised soon.. i Know that GOd will continue speaking to you wherever you are, you just gotta open up your heart to HIm and hunger k.
Fiona- Thanks for your calls from australia, really appreciate it that u remembered me.. DUn feel out of action k.. cos i know wherever u are God's with you and He will helpp you grow... My prayer is that in Aust, God will see your growth thru and you will came back stronger for Him. really encouraged to see you grow so much thru the enc... thanls for the little gestures that mattered alot, the hashbrown u gave me at mac, the words of encouragement, always trying to participate in cell, by answering questions and responding to me (hee.. i notice on u noe) Really looking forward to the day you will be back.. Stay faithful for God k... we have not forgotten u and we miss you!
:)

Hmm.... as for the rest could i will coninue another time.. but could someone really jus help the law pple in coming to the blog? Rem- we gotta love the pple, esp those in the family... :)
Lets press on in uniting the cell as one an in winning the whole NUS@!

Pray that you guys will be excited bout movin on to SOL... do it together k.. GOd is waiting for you all..

Let's also spur the rest on, like chong chwan, kc, mich, yunhui to join us for svc.. keep em in prayer yeah!
DO keep the progress with the 3 pple you are praying for, posted up here... Miss you all.. see u all on fri, 930. -mel

hey guys!!~ ;) hmmm.....its me again...hmm..i wanna talk about forgiveness.hehe!! hmm.. as some of u all know..i was with this guy called sean...my ex boyfriend..and i was in bad terms with him frm jan..hmm..quite a while..but dun recall how long it was. yup..i had lotsa grudges against him..and he accused me of something which i didnt do to him. haiz..but nevermind...had all forgetten abt him n what happened le... =)

hmmm...at encounter..we were to forgive the people that has hurt us in the past n as long as people has hurt us...i was ready to forgive anyone...esp sean..who was called a moron by me in the past..hahaha!! ok,but i stop le lah....at first after the encounter wkend,i thought that i had forgiven him but realised i havent when i see him ard or ppl talk to me about him..when i feel very ANGRY...feels that he needs a jian da...keke..=P yah,i know i very bad ya..hee!! wanna forgive also very hard leh...there was this voice in me saying...be angry,be angry..dont forgive him cos u cant forgive n u're not a forgiving person.....i know tt was de evil one..but i jus still find it very hard lah at that time..then i talked to melissa about it..asking her to help me forgive him. =)

Last tue i think..(9/3/04)..melissa helped me say the forgiveness prayer ..=) yea..hmm.. after saying the prayer..i felt that i've forgived him...YAY!! hahaa.....been waiting for this moment to come..keke..cos by not forgiving him.im doing more damage to myself.. hmmm yah...

Felt happier after saying the forgiveness prayer after that...and melissa,thanx for ur $1 winnie the pooh raincoat hp chain..hehee..!! yep..i turned back one for u har...=) hehe!! forgiveness is really a great feeling man...after holding onto it for ages and ages.. finally i've forgiven him (sean)...yup!!! now i dont hear the voice in me saying: "cant forgive,dont forgive.u r not a forgiving person".....=) yep. the voice is GONE! ;) now i really know the true meaning of forgiveness n how it's like forgiving a person

so guys.....im sure u are able to forgive anyone in ur life that has hurt u in any way n whatever he/she has said/done to u...for our God is a forgiving God..yep....tk care ya..

-grace-

ok guys!! FINALLY i have made up my mind..ok,i have decided to leave!! eh.. dont be sad k??? =) dont want u all to be affected by my leaving/absence.

i decided finally to leave cause after all these yrs of bible study with my friend since sec4 till this year in february..didnt want our time n effort to go down the drain!!~ and she knows me more than i do in certain ways...hehe!!!! i know that once i leave..i wont be able to come back le..but really i have made up my choice..

wanna THANK ALL of YOU for making my time in the cell a MEMORABLE one... =) THANKS EVERYONE..

ok.i know this is kinda short..but i dont know what else to say liao!! =) do i sound like im leaving s'pore for good? haha.. =P i wont be able to attend cell and congre meetings le..but somehow..i'll think of ways to go for congre yah... ;) yep!!

i'll be meeting new people..gotta make friends all over again.....will try to adapt of how they function everything that they are running over there.. yeah!! u all take care yah!! will still attend service with u guys??? err....... n maybe like i'll be in touch centre for maybe 1 or 2weeks....i'll let u all know again yeah!! no need to book seats for me huh.. =P

Just wanna wish EVERYONE ALL the BEST in wadever u do...and future endeavours... cya guys n gals!!~ ;) God bless!!! take care

i am so excited about God's plans. remember the prayer whereby you pray for 3 of your friends to come believe in Christ?

I can see God's hands at work.

I don't know what happened exactly but i've come to know that my friend is going through a rough patch in her life. (erm, she didn't tell it to me face to face) i wanted to go up to her and pray for her but i didn't really dared to. what if she rejects me?? she doesn't really believe in God, that i know.

i tried mustering up my courage the whole day to bring myself to ask, "can i pray for you?" but i swallowed down my words each time i see her. suddenly, because of an assignment she had to come over to my house to finish the project with me. this wasn't planned at all.

but my heart was pounding coz i could feel that this is a chance from God. when she finally came over, she was her usual jovial self and i thought to myself, maybe i'll just pray for her during QT i guess. but after dinner she just starting toking about her problems to me. i was amazed coz i tot she would never bring it up to me. esp since i'm not terribly close to her. but she just kept toking and i kept prompting her to continue because i can feel that she needs a listening ear.

as first she was saying things in a matter-of-fact manner but as she continued she got more and more upset. and i was shaking too. i just felt terribly sad for her, to the point that i almost wanted to cry too. and i just said, "can i pray for you?" she was hesitant though but i just insisted coz i know she really needs Jesus to heal her.

Praise God. i managed to pray for her and i rest in the knowledge knowing that God will put His hands upon her. my prayer was not fantastic, i fumbled for words and got tongue-tied even. but i know these dun matter because God heard my prayer. and i know this is just the beginning of God's work. I pray to God that this friend of mine will come to accept Jesus as her saviour one day and we'll all rejoice in the house of the Lord.

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul."
Psalms 143 : 8

-vonnie

Hello all.. just some update bout wad God spoke to me yesterday... :) I went for SoL last nigh, it was on healing.. most of us might think that healing only applies for physical healing.. but in fact there is much more, it includes others like healing of relationship, sickness in the soul caused by sin.. etc...

It's like, God suddenly told me that all these about G12 and evangelism is not solely in the number.. i mean so what if you have a big cell, subzone, it doesn't make you any more holier or more loved by God.. what GOd told me is " The evil one is here to rob, steal and destroy, but GOd came to give each of u including myself, life and life in abundance." The question then to me is " Melissa, do you have the heart for the pple, IT's not about having a big tribe but a big heart"

Then in my heart i realised how i can be patient towards difficult pple, how i can perservere in chasing after the lost sheep, how i can love and not be diappointed. It is to see the need of the people and know in my heart that God has sent me to heal and love, doesn't matter if i think i am not able to, doesn't matter if things doesn't go the way i want to... as long as God is with me, i am annointed and he will use me.. YOu know durin this whole G12, Pastor kept making us say " I am God's annointed".. it really spoke so much to me 'cos i have always felt that i need more of GOd's annointing and not to flow in the flesh (not shure if any of u can rem me sharing this) but the truth is " I AM GOD's ANNOINTED".

My aim for this year/period.. is i want to see my spiritual children healed, healed from infirmities, physical illnesses, illness in the heart, emotions, self dislike, pessimissm unforgiveness see them all living an abundant life and confident bout whu they are in christ. My prayer to you oh Lord is that right now, i pray that they will desire to be set free and desire to lead that abundant life.. 'cos the only thing i belive that can stand in the way of healing is "unwillingness and disbelief". :)

Actually supposed to meet val (think i told u all b4 rite?) but hmmm.. she's still sleeping.. hee... so i am here writing this.. but i know it's a spiriual war.. i will continue to love her and show her that i am always here.. SO.. well i am ready for second round...

YUP... wanna tell u all i love u all.. that you are all so special to me... I know God made each of you so different and i really see the beauty in you all and am excited about wad GOd is doing and wana do in your life... LOve... NOt forgetting fiona too.. :) Pray that God will provide u with a church.. waiting for the day that u will be back with us.. :)

In HIs LOve, Melissa

hey hey!!~ =) i know i have been talking abt it since last fri? err.....about me moving on to another tribe....which would be under pastor seng lee n pastor josephine..hmm..my deadline is 14march..haiz!! hmmm...ever since i joined the cell..i felt like quite happy..like got the welcome feeling...erm,ok..actually its normal for a cell to welcome new members..duh!! =P hehe...i shall state my reasons now...for staying and leaving kz..or rather disadvantages n advantages... =) hope i dun make ya bored!!!

reasons for staying:
-can get along
-u pple are very nice to talk to
-crappy? haha
-age gap not tt big
-feel comfortable
-nearer for me
-sorta fairfield cell? errr....
-hv the same topic to talk about
-FUN people to be with
-we all live near by..at least all of us leave in the west =) ( can accompany each other )

my reasons for leaving:
-my friend (discipler) hv been taking me bible study since i was sec4
-understands me very well
-knows my spiritual life better
-she can understand/know my spiritual life better

for reason 3 n 4 : -knows my spiritual life better, -she can understand/know my spiritual life better...im not saying tat u guys or melissa cannot get to know my spiritual life better..but i think/feel that my discipler understands me better.....n now tt i jus join the cell...hmm.i'll tk some time before u all can know/understand me. hmm,ya..i meant no offence to EVERYONE here k... =) im just stating whats on my mind..

Disadvantages:
-quite far for me
-spend more $$$ on travelling
-no one to talk to
-feel so SMALL amoung them (haha)

Advantages:
-my friend can take care of me? haha..as if i cant..cos their tribe got alot of pple
-my friend and i can accompany each other back on the way hm (altho i'll alight first)
-my few vocalists that i know can help me know whats going on n tk care of me? hahaha

just wanna say THANKS to everyone for making the cell a fun n happening cell...i hope i dont wanna make this my another ex cell....this is my best cell man.. not tt cos we're made up of fairfield ppl...but ya,the ppl are jus nice to be with.....i jus wanna thank everybody individually.. =)

hmm... =) wanna thank jolene,for keeping in touch since last yr aft ndp/great escape n being so nice to me..n her friendship..=) eva so understanding,caring n approachable
wanna thank melissa for being so eva friendly,caring,understanding,for ya prayer that u prayed for me,enthu abt knowing me?,advices,making me feel comfortable in the cell n everything...her SMELL on her pink "blanket" is SOOO NICE..got the melissa smell.so nice.melissa,capture sm smell of urs for me? haha..just jk =P i like her smell.. so XIANG .. =)
wanna thank desiree...for telling me advice,friendly,caring,fun to be with =)
wanna thank yvonne, for being so crappy n nice..bearing with my fairfield story. hahaaha..and so caring n friendly.
wanna thank michelle for being so friendly..altho i dun really know u.
wanna thank kc for being so crappy,friendly n nice to talk to n "plot" ? hahaha..no lah =P
wanna thank yunhui for being friendly,nice..cos i dun really know u,sori ah..
wanna thank chong chwan(correct spelling,if nt sorri ah) for being a blessing to the cell n playing the guitar on e first cg mtg.. =P
wanna thank fiona for accompanying me in the encounter wkend camp n being so nice so nice,caring..

ok.my brain is bursting. i type so much le...=P boring right? haha...wadever!! =P hehe..anyway...if i move on to pastor seng lee n pastor josephine tribe together with my friend,can i still log on here n chat with u guys n attend svc together?? hee.."*bey hao pai*" thick skin.. ya..u guys tk care n ya...cya soon..missya .......best cell..
rock on pple!!~ =) *poof*

-grace-

hey hey haven't been posting for a long time hee.

This is just a personal note from me. about God working in my life. yep. saying all these, i just wanna say..

THANK YOU JESUS!

i mean learning the guitar was quite an amazing journey for me to learn about how much He understands me. yup...it's not just about learning how to strum, fingering the chords, or memorising songs...it is much much more than that.

i've felt a sense of purpose. maybe not so much about the destiny that the pastors have been talking about during services but i just feel so lucky that He provided me this chance to show me that He has greater things in store for me. and learning the guitar is just the tip of the iceberg.

i dun profess myself to be a quick learner n all that...in fact...i'm quite D-U-H at times haha. as u all can tell. but its really amazing amazing how i learn new things each time i pick up the guitar n play. like strumming while singing...now i can say that i pluck strings much much better than i was...n i noe a few chords at hand. (though everything is not fantastic lar haha but i believe i WILL get BETTER) each time i learn these things i am reminded of all those prayers that i've prayed to God about. to pick up the skill...most of all to sustain the interest. now i cannot get past each day now without touching my guitar...and it has helped me in my worship too :)

i have learnt humility too. to attribute all that i've learnt back to God. to not forget who was the one who blessed me with all these. He blessed me with friends who helped me in my learning...like mel n nuanyi. Blessed me with the songbook that i found (or rather He showed) while surfing net one day. Yup. and all these have shown me how real He is.

So speaking thus, I am only saying that He has fulfilled His promise to me and He will fulfill His promise to you too. And for those who r waiting...like Grace...I am sure one day you will find forgiveness in your heart for that person(s). Find one thing in your life that God has touched and blessed. Magnify it and you'll see that He has done many many wonderful things for you. Hope u all have a blessed blessed week!

CAN'T WAIT FOR G12!!!!! melissa will be so proud of me...coz i'm so enthu hahaha.

-vonnie

Hey guys! sorry for the long absence. thought of posting this up to help us remember God's words and his precious lessons better :)

~Word on 18/2: Mercy~

A little excercise to begin with:

- on a scale of 1 - 10, rate how forgiving you are.
(10 being very forgiving and 1 being unforgiving, relatively speaking)

Why do we need forgiveness?
1) so that others and ourselves will not give up being a better person and to give one another a chance to turn over a new leaf
2) because God has forgiven us of our sins, even when we were still unworthy of his love

[Turn to 2 Cor 2:7]

Sometimes we find it hard to offer forgiveness. but at other times we find it hard to receive forgiveness, because we have not forgiven ourselves.

[Turn to Col 3:13]

We have a choice when we encounter conflicts or other unpleasant situations. that is, whether we want to use our time and energy for --- RESOLUTION or RETALIATION.

what are some of the things stopping us from forgiving someone?

- many cannot differentiate between trust and forgiveness.
Comparision:
1) Forgiveness needs to be IMMEDIATE vs trust needs to be BUILT OVER TIME
2) Forgiveness is required for PAST events vs trust refers to FUTURE events

That means, we 'forgive' immediately but need not 'trust' immediately. Only after we forgiven then can we trust.

Also, other feelings like anger and bitterness may be expressed openly but forgiveness has to be something from within. Thus, sometimes we can put up a front of having forgiven someone while still holding grudges in the heart. That will not be true forgiveness.

and also think about how to APPLY this in your life.
- is there someone you have not found the strength to forgive him/her?
- is there someone you thought you have forgiven but still feel grudgeful towards?

Always forgive because GOD'S FORGIVENESS IS UNCONDITIONAL :)

Hope God spoke to you.

keeping you in prayer always!

-jo

Hello fiona here again! Still got one more day before I fly off. It has been such a great experience knowing God n u guys for these two very short mths...thank u all. U may think I might be too immature, not sociable, independent or adaptable enough to go for this exchange prog...u r rite I am not... I am trying to learn how to be such a person. Actually I was supposed to apply with my frens...one backed out bcoz of boyfren n e other bcoz of poor results. But I decided to go ahead just to try my luck...coz cant go in third yr mah. I could have drop out of it at one point or try to sabotage my application but didn’t leh. I cant say I was dat excited to go without my frens plus no one from ntu is going there loh. Thinking abt it now I am sure God had meant it dat way...David in psalm 139 said God fashioned all the days of our lives even before we were born. I am sure where ever I go he will be there w me always! Actually I am not sure y I was so insistent on going to aus...could have gone some asian country w a lower exchange rate. Sob! spend so much $$$ liao...I feel really bad. About $ 6000 liao so far on comp, visa, insurance, rent, admin charges. I knoe I will pay my parents back double e amt when I start working! Dats a bit ambitious! Previously I am just this worried freak, worrying abt who will be my hostel mates, project group or who will be my frens. Coz I am just slacking at home mah so I become this freak just counting down the no of days as if to doom’s day n scolding myself for stupidly putting myself thru all this stress n worries. I could have just stayed in spore n feel unsatisfied n bored w my life! For the encounter weekend, Pastor Debra gave me this verse Matthew 6:31-34. How applicable man! Its so strange n surprising coz I dun really show this side of me in frt of others…its an internal turmoil thingie. As 1 john 4: 15-18 says there is no fear in love; but perfect luv casts out fear bcoz fear involves torment but he who fears has not been made perfect in luv.
( application?) I was thinking hey if I fill my thots n heart w God’s luv...y should I be afraid or worried abt anything! Now I am praying for a lot of courage...the worry freak voice seems to have become softer n softer...it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to liao. I am kind of excited to go there after such a long wait! No matter how diff going these 4 mths will be...I am sure I can always depend on him. Praise e Lord!

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Hello fiona here again! Still got one more day before I fly off. It has been such a great experience knowing God n u guys for these two very short mths…thank u all. U may think I might be too immature, not sociable, independent or adaptable enough to go for this exchange prog…u r rite I am not… I am trying to learn how to be such a person. Actually I was supposed to apply with my frens…one backed out bcoz of boyfren n e other bcoz of poor results. But I decided to go ahead just to try my luck…coz cant go in third yr mah. I could have drop out of it at one point or try to sabotage my application but didn’t leh. I cant say I was dat excited to go without my frens plus no one from ntu is going there loh. Thinking abt it now I am sure God had meant it dat way… David in psalm 139 said God fashioned all the days of our lives even before we were born. I am sure where ever I go he will be there w me always! Actually I am not sure y I was so insistent on going to aus…could have gone some asian country w a lower exchange rate. Sob! spend so much $$$ liao…I feel really bad. About $ 6000 liao so far on comp, visa, insurance, rent, admin charges. I knoe I will pay my parents back double e amt when I start working! Dats a bit ambitious! Previously I am just this worried freak, worrying abt who will be my hostel mates, project group or who will be my frens. Coz I am just slacking at home mah so I become this freak just counting down the no of days as if to doom’s day n scolding myself for stupidly putting myself thru all this stress n worries. I could have just stayed in spore n feel unsatisfied n bored w my life! For the encounter weekend, Pastor Debra gave me this verse Matthew 6:31-34. How applicable man! Its so strange n surprising coz I dun really show this side of me in frt of others…its an internal turmoil thingie. As 1 john 4: 15-18 says there is no fear in love; but perfect luv casts out fear bcoz fear involves torment but he who fears has not been made perfect in luv.
( application?) I was thinking hey if I fill my thots n heart w God’s luv…y should I be afraid or worried abt anything! Now I am praying for a lot of courage…the worry freak voice seems to have become softer n softer…it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to liao. I am kind of excited to go there after such a long wait! No matter how diff going these 4 mths will be…I am sure I can always depend on him. Praise e Lord!

harlow!! my first time writing here!! being a christian since sec3+...being a baby christian,a person needs guidance but i dint have any although i was in gb.i hv not been attending church services or any christian activities..i only started going for svc and church activities in 2002..at that time,i attended service in fcbc with my friends cell grp..and also had bible study with my friend.. =)

In that same year, i went for an encounter weekend camp!! i didnt want to go at first but was told by my new friends that time that it was better to go..i was also cyco-ed by afew of them to go..so i went,but i went blindly didnt knowing why i was going there for and for what purpose...we had praise and worship and sessions...after every session,it was ministry time...slowly,i see and hear people screaming,crying and doing all sorts of funny and weird things.i was wondering..what on earth was going on and why are they behaving this way..at that time,i was scared..but now i fully understand!! :)

In this camp,at least i didnt go blindly as melissa pre-encounted fiona and me..=) thanx melissa!!~ ;) at that time,i didnt know that there was such thing as pre-encounter..

Hmm ya..in this camp,i did learn some things..=) they showed us a short show..this time yes i did feel something in me after watching the show.when i first watched it in 2002,i didnt feel anything as i wasnt prepared for the camp at all...ya,Jesus died on the cross for us..and all our sins were forgiven :) yup!! sessions aft sessions on the second day and on the last day..... ministry time after each session..hmm ya..the most two sessions i liked/benefited from was "The Joy of Forgiveness" and another was the tearing of the paper. haha....the session wasnt called "the tearing of paper" but i forgot what the session titled was...ya,the joy of forgiveness...knowing that God forgave us of our sins even before we were born..it just made me hv the forgiveness to forgive the people that i hv bore grudges on..i felt that i have to forgive them as God first forgave us..and in Matt6:14-15 " For if you forgive men when they sin against you,your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their sins,your Father will not forgive your sins". as for the session on the tearing of paper...it did help me to break all the bondages that was in my life...after tearing the paper,i felt free of everything..=) yup.. i did benefit much more from the previous encounter i went in 2002. ;) ya.....one word to describle this camp,its GREAT!! =) wanna thank carolyn,fiona and my grp members in the camp a memorable one... =)

God is good!!

grace

Hello fiona here! Its my first time writing this is soooo exciting. I am back fr the encounter weekend n I am bursting to tell someone abt it but got no one to tell to so tell u all loh! Hee hee! Hope I dun bore yah! Anyway I just joined it without really knowing what is it abt, just thot it’s a church camp..but I was in for a surprise. Hiah hiah! Anyway it is also to pei grace since she so lonely n furthermore I am quite bored at home mah. Mel’s crash course did give some insights thou! A little on my spritual background-been a christian dating back to fairfield but only recently started attending church. I began to treat going to church more like a chore I perform dutifuly each week, there’s a barrier I have put up preventing me from experiencing inner joy for the Lord. I can’t fake it neither can I act like I have. Perhaps with this I brought that barrier along together with much skepticism.

The first day was kind of boring n the movie was quite corny. But I was quite touched at the last part when he decided to share his testimony with the class. Perhaps I dun have the courage as he did. My group was great, most of them are nus students. They were pretty easy going. The next day, for the first two sessions, the teachings were quite boring actually but I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed / touched ( not exactly the right words to use but its hard to describe) by the songs we sang n tears just clotted up. When we prayed ourselves n the music just continues in the background, I really couldn’t help shedding a few tears. I was trying to hold back my tears n tell myself I dun need anyone to pray for me. At one point I just feel like stop singing n blocked out the music fr my ears so that I wont cry. But I couldn’t, i feel really self conscious abt crying in frt of others. But later my group met up with pastor Debra. She was asking me how I felt about the 2 sessions…at that point the events of the day n the emotions seem to caught up with me n it opened the floodgate for the tears to flow freely. I couldn’t tell her much…it so difficult to describe everything in words. But I know as she prayed for me…there’s a warm sensation running over. It feels so much better than to hold back all that tears. I really can’t remember much of y I cried after that. Yah I know I cry really very easily, that’s a way of expressing my feelings rather than just putting it down in words. The fourth session- tearing of the paper, it was really emotional. Again I was just trying to hold it back, but I began to sobbed uncontrollably when my guide prayed for me. It feels really warm n nice to be prayed of for. My tears just stopped flowing when the prayer ended. After that I really cannot remember what I was exactly crying about. I just feel different, no more stress, no more depressive thots, no more worries, no more me. like i have left the past n me behind, i feel like on another planet. Neither happy nor sad just somewhere in the middle. another emotional peak for me was during the healing of the inner soul session where Pastor Josephine prayed for me n the song “complete” was really so touching. Much of the same happen but I know each was a different experience when i will end up crying. The combined sessions, was quite scary thou, everyone was “fainting” n falling around me. It didn’t happen to me.ha maybe I was too distracted n couldn’t concentrate. Err I didn’t pray to receive the ability to speak in tongues, dun knoe y leh.

I definitely learned a lot thru this encounter weekend. Most importantly, I learned not to be shy in expressing my luv for HIM. I had many wins n loses. Lost my pessimism, worries, sins, bondages, self-consciousness (still got a bit lah). Won hope, luv, optimism, confidence (got more to work on), friends. Dun expect a 360 deg change, I just feel different, neither happy nor sad just somewhere in the middle. I have more to work on but I know I have just moved another step closer in getting to know HIM. I will get baptised when I come back from Australia k, maybe I should attend another encounter weekend when I am back. I am quite afraid I might backslide when I am there but dun worry I will remember to pack HIM in my suitcase. I am very thankful to mel, grace, cell group members , carolyn, other members of the group, pastors n other sisters for guiding , praying n for all the help in anyway that have helped to make this encounter weekend an enjoyable n wonderful experience for me.

hey!! my first time writing in this blog..hehe!! hmm.....our encounter camp has ended!! =) hmm..what can i say abt the camp?! the camp was really good..it did helped me in all areas!! ;)

hey this is my first time writing in here haha....yup yesterday night it was a really great night, or morning. i had witnessed how wonderful God is, how real God can be n this is just God revealing a teeny weeny bit of what He can do. i am so excited to see what else God can really do. for Him to work in my life, in you guys' lives. what an awesome Father we have :D

God sees your faith, even if it is as small as a mustard seed.

i had never known what it means really, to know that "God has spoken to me" whenever i hear testimonials of that kind. would a thunderous voice from the skies just suddenly boom, "I am what I am."? in my naive mind i had thought it would be something physical or obvious enough to know that it is from God.

but yesterday night i realise how God speaks. God speaks through you. through your friends. n the Holy Spirit convicts you that hey, this is from God. i have learnt that you can hear God best when you are silent, meaning you let go of any fear u have, doubts u hold n just listen.

and u can hear Him. clear as a bell.

yesterday night, something in me just said, hey k seems really sad. God is sad that k is sad too. so one thing leads to another i suppose. me suggesting to des to pray for k, n k being receptive to God.

it's all about timing.

so u see, all this is really God's work.

i have learnt alot since joining this cell, my wonderful family of God, since encounter weekend. i find myself growing as a christian more than all my years of being a christian in name put together. these few months i have experienced peace n joy n the sense of emptiness i've had in my heart is no more. i've learnt to initiate, to be less fearful, am still working on confidence but i know that God will build me up in His confidence slowly :D

so this is my prayer n vision that all of us will grow in His name n bring more people to be saved. yup. pray that His beauty will shine in all of you so that the world may see how wonderful God is. amen.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
-vonnie

Hey :) This is something i wrote some time back...would like to share it with you guys:

"Many times, we base our relationship with God purely on feelings. But God wants us to move beyond that shallow level of knowing him. Hence God tests us by being pulling away momentarily so that we can strengthen our faith in him.

It will be a very difficult period when we struggle along..thinking that God has abandoned us once and for all. But if we pull through this trial, our relationship with Him will go beyond our wildest imagination.

I have learnt that we can overcome times of not feeling God's presence by:

@ being honest with what we feel towards God being distant
@ having faith in God's unchanging nature
@ remembering God's promises to us
@ recalling what God has done for us in the past

Just like an mother eagle training her baby to flap its own wings and take on the skies - God will always be there to catch us... when we fall to reach greater heights."

- jo

hmm.... jus wanna say that i am realli proud of u all, for coming up with this blog... realli hope that we can spur each other on in our walks with GOd.... Start posting up your thoughts on QT asap k.. :) Hee.. i finally found out how to post stuff. . :) -rae