words can never be enough.

fiona here. so sorry couldnt be there to join u guys...just missed out on another chance to get to knoe u guys better. i feel like a newbie sometimes but u guys have been tolerant as i'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with....having a rather reserved n weird personality that needs lots of warming up before it gets chatty. a split personality? guess i need to move on beyond toking abt generic stuff like school work which gets really really dry after a while. we need more time n more chances to get to knoe each other better, dun we?

after hearing mel's prep talk to the cell group n subzone, i felt a bit guilty. sometimes i hear that little voice in my head saying pray for this person but often i think a bit too much, wait a bit too long, hesitate a bit too much n the opportunity flies away as fast as it came. i am such a bad girl...i dun listen n do what HE wants me to do. no wonder HE doesnt speak to me when i am expecting HIM to. i am listening to too many other voices. i need to change dun i?

another thing was that everyone seems to zip up during the sharing session. i am highly guilty of that...just afraid everyone will sort of look at me with jaundiced eyes n say "i didnt knoe fiona is like dat" actually i wanted to share this during the sharing session but held back coz my bro was ard. actually GOD spoke to me thru mel's prayer...it hit a raw nerve when she said "somebody said some hurtful words to u...i think of family....it created the inferior complex in u" woops the first person that came to my mind was my mum. i had a very unhappy childhood bcoz of her fiery temper that nobody wants to offend. in my face she tells me that i am ugly that i am only good for studying. even if its the truth no girl wants to be told that! its hurtful! its just too bad that i aint a replica of her beauty when she was younger just like my sis. yah thus i always felt inferior to my sis in every way. my mum was e biggest barrier that stopped me fr attending church all these yrs. but i have forgiven her. her recent conversion to christianity helped to improved our relationship n her child like faith continues to amaze me. n i am encouraged by her to attend church! something totally impossible of her in the past. hallelujah!

I will pray i will try to be stronger, to be more positive, to be more beautiful in his eyes!