He goes with me.

Ever wonder how often you see a toddler scurrying like she's in a 10m race all.the.time.? *wah, how scary to be running for the whole life*
It seems no toddler will stroll at the same painful speed as us walking out of expo every sunday. hmmm, actually no sane person will. Oops, ya. That's not the point. No no regina I am not talking about you laaa. *Haaaaa*

Ya, I am talking about the story behind the drawing up there.
The point, of course, is not about the speed. But really, it is about myself always wanting to walk away. To walk my way. Sometimes obviously intentional, sometimes, I didn't even realise.

I used to think that it is so amazing that "He goes with me". But as I pondered on an original sketch (I had initially drew the Big Giant leading the lil' girl), I thought of sth else. Like a baby who just learnt to walk, the father will always hold on to her from the back. He runs when she runs. He slows when she is tired. He goes where she pulls him to. The growing up girl is bursting with excitement with this whole new world. And the father never let go of her hands. With strong and firm fingers, he had stopped her from running into the edge of the table that reaches her head above her sight. He had subtly pulled her back when he heard her pants. He had amazingly steered her away from the pile of dog shit that just missed her beautiful shoes by 1 nano-meter even though usually he cannot see his Fei Yu Qing's mtv subtitles .

He has to be slow because every step he takes is one giant incomprehensible step for her. He never expects her to keep up, but really just letting her go and be herself. But all this while, she is ahead and oblivious. Running and running.

In her journey, when she falls, the father will stand behind her, dust her butt and egg her on. When she trips, the father will still not lose sight of her. He makes sure she gets up before he continues to walk. Sometimes, she feels lost and far, only because she is always looking ahead. And when she finally remembers, she will look back and will know He is still holding her fingers, leading her.

So how far can the Lord be, when He is always holding my hand *unless His hands very-the-long-like-you-really-think-He-will-hold-you-from-where-He-is-sitting-in-heaven*?? So can I ever be far from God if He is never far from me?? Can't be lor~ Distance is relativity. *waaaah my physics very zai*
Only if I choose to look in front and at the mess ahead and forget that my head can rotate.

But..the lil' girl will 'think' she is far...when she lets go of him. That's when strangers and friends along the way will squat down beside the crying baby and ask her..."Where's daddy?" She will cry and be defiant. Her tears will blur her vision and she will not see. She will think her dad has forsaken her. She will alternate between quietness and wallowing, searching and waiting . But strangers and friends will be with her. P a t i e n c e. Slowly, she will take that first step to find back her daddy. Remember how the lost babies, whenever they are back in the arms of the parent, they will cling onto them like kualas? Remember how the lost babies, when they found back their daddies, they just somehow stop crying? But I guess what struck me most the more I thought about it...is how willing the babies are to entrust themselves in this temporal care to guide them back.

As I grow up, I also ceased running like mad babies into table edges because I know it hurts when I buang my head into table edges like how regina buang car poles *oops*. But I forgot I have already out-grown table edges and I have forgotten that my Father will never let me run into table edges. Maybe he will, but he will never let me bleed until I die you see. Running to victory is not easy, I guess it probably means running into many table edges.

oh no, I very luo shuo...To cut the long story short...
My story would be *still not very short*

In order that God go with me, I must first hold on to him. Then I run. If I run before even holding His hands, I would miss the whole point of wanting to share where I am running to with Him. I will probably run into more table edges too.
If I had really ran stray, I must realise when I am 'crying' and need help.
And when I am back, I must not let go again. Be strong and courageous!

Of course, the drawing above might just tell u a different story today la :)