Today, during dinner, we were talking about work for a little while of course. I voiced my concerns regarding patents, and how we should get the participants to sign the non-disclosure agreement.
In fact, I have raised this concern a few times. The votes of positive and negative often swayed according to different opinions, especially when a person of authority raised up their opinions. Everybody has their opinions that made sense to them. I, on the other hand, stood by what I truly believed is right.
What is right?
The issue greatly disturbed me again, not because I raised it up repeatedly and got rejected. I kept quiet for awhile after a small niffy discussion on the table.
This is not because I finally understood them. Actually, I still think we should sign it and given that I really do think alot, I have every reason to believe so.
But I finally realised, that God might be teaching me to learn to trust. Trusting is easy when the subject on hand is an outright moral yes/no. But trusting becomes difficult when I have my 'ego'. When I have 'wisdom'. When I have 'knowledge'. When I have 'power' to voice my concerns. When I am 'intelligent'. Trusting in the 'wrongs'.
I need to learn that they know what they are doing. I need to learn that sometimes they are really smart and get what I mean too. I need to trust and let go of my own rights to everything, and step out of my own myopic wisdom. Afterall, I have already got freedom of speech, I have already told them my views.
It was hell' of a struggle. The words were fighting to burst through my mouth. To voice out my point of views again and be firm, versus, letting it go and close my eyes and trust that they know what they are doing. Without judging if in the future what if they are wrong and I am right? Just that is simply horrible enough to warrant this entry at this un-earthly hour.
I need to learn that even if things don't go my way, He will not allow it to becomes more than what I can handle. And if I can't handle it anymore, think again.
Sometimes we think we are right, but really, sometimes it ain't. I guess we just need to learn to wait, give time to breathe and eventually just learn from each other and move on. :)
"God, please grant me wisdom to know when to be firm, and when to let go. Above all, let me know what is trust."
What is LOVE to you?
16 years ago
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