the GIANTS in my life

Ever since school started in aug, i felt as if i lost my sense of joy and happiness. i felt more strongly during the middle of the midterm break (which is last week), where i just couldn't help but feel directionless.

suddenly, it seemed as though my life lacked purpose. all i did each day was just Go to sch, Come back home, Do work, Sleep. how tiring it was when i saw no purpose behind all these. even though i could go out, i somehow felt like any sense of joy was robbed from me and i didn't want to even hang out much with my friends.

no idea why, but i began to reject connections with my friends and the many times they asked me out diminished to not bothering to ask me out at all, knowing full well that i'll reject them. i felt guilty, but i did not do anything about it. i kept telling myself that i have to go home and finish my work. perhaps then, when i've accomplished doing them will i spend time with my friends. i don't want to neglect my work. but work never ends... that i sadly learnt recently.

during the midterm break, i promised myself that i will accomplish my work well before school starts again. so, i will have time to go out and truly spend time with my friends - without any burdens of work on my back. somehow, temptations crept in and when the holidays were nearing an end, i panicked. i felt useless as things did not go as i planned. my purpose of life revolved around school work. and so when my plans failed, it seemed that my purpose in life was lost. although it seems dramatic now, but i truly felt so lost back a couple of days ago that i refused to do anymore work. "what's the point when work never ends anyway?" that's what i thought to myself.

then back on monday, upon the start of sch again, i entered my class and i mentally told myself to believe that i've done sufficient work in the holidays, and i did not waste my entire week. cliques from around me started asking one another, "Eh! You did your assignments already anot? Next week must hand in leh!", "Sian lor, next week got so many work to hand in!" Seriously, when i heard that, i freaked out. i've always thought that the essays were to be handed in much later... This time i really panicked.

Just yesterday, I was led to read a previous letter that my friend in JC gave to me just before the As. i was quite surprised at myself as i seldom looked back on my old letters. But i just felt this prompting and this desire once again to read the letter, as if it was just given to me, i wanted to know the contents.

It wrote,
"This is supposed to be a letter of encouragement, but i think you need to relax instead. (._.''') see you like very stress, later go crazy how...?? studying isnt wrong la, but sometimes too much pressure can backfire too ya know? Just tell yourself you can do it -
YOU NEED CONFIDENCE!"

It's funny how God speaks sometimes. The words spoke so vividly to me that i teared upon reading it. Simple words of encouragement, similar scenario. It never occurred to me that i pressured myself. I realised now that I do, even though I always thought that stressing myself is for my good.

Throughout the whole of last week, I kept asking God to show me my purpose once again.
"I'm lost Lord! Guide me, will you?"
Yes, I know, surrender to the Lord and He will answer and help me find what I seek. But i still wasn't able to hear from Him. I went to church that week asking Him to speak to me. "Lord I want your assurance today. Take away my burdens plz!"

Today, He spoke to me. Through quiet time.
And so here I am, speaking to you too.

In times when things go bad, I am used to people saying, "I'll pray for you."
This is what I say to others too.
But many a times, we quickly turn to the Father when we have problems.
How about times when we have joy? Shouldnt we practise turning to Him too?

He gave me my sense of direction and my purpose in life again.
Although living in this material world often overwhelms us, our sense of direction should be to Him.
To look and trust in Him, and believe that He truly has a purpose for all we are going through, no matter the pain we are feeling right now. Simple as it is, I often struggle with it.

I'm sharing with you right now of my JOY that things are finally going right for me!
Will you pray for me?

:)

Fiona Banana and Guifang's birthday

Happy Birthday!!

Erm. Nice cake. The knife is stuck in the cake.

Nothing to do with birthdays. Sik trying to be funny.
Never die before, mess with a DreamTeam jacket person.

Updates and dates =)

Hey hey.. how have you all been?? Just some updates on the upcoming mtgs so that we will not be too confused.

22/29 Sept: Re-encounter (Val, jen gg)
23 Sept: Ps Debra congre (to pray for exams and careers) + Cell mtg after tat (the agenda will be further decided)
20-21 October: Upcoming leaders retreat. Theme "ratatouille" (did i spell it right?). This will be open to cell leaders and people who have been serving Gb (the officers).

For Our family time aka mel's G12.. i let you all know the dates again when i finalise stuff k.. It might or might not stay on fri. So it will either be a fri or thurs.. thanks for all ur understanding.

Please pray for Fiona's lesson observation +des, regina and nuanyi for directions in job. The family seem to be facing common obstacles esp in the aspect of work.. Keep posting yeah.. Prayer request/testimonies/updates.. heh.. crap can do too..

Love u all! DO encourage each other to keep reading the blog.. Don't miss out yeah!

it's us~

goliaths in our lives

El: has fears of rejection and hence the burden of having try getting people's acceptance. The fears come in the forms of having to make friends with strangers in classes, speaking up during lessons and initiating conversations with people she do not really know well, and ultimately, affecting serving in church to have (if) a cell of people she didn't begin as friends.


sik: has fears of having to make a time-termed commitment and being responsible for serious matters cos of burdens to meet expectations of consistently being able to do so.(often personal-induced)

regina...will share soon (:

Mel's fears and burdens to not carry

dear daughters..

I think i have share most of it at cell.. For me i have a tendency to carry the responsibilities of the walk of you all, kai , my family and even the lives of my students which become really overwhelming, cos in school, as i was just looking at their profiles.. it pains to see their famiy backgrounds. i really realised that we are very blessed with our families.

For me, i have to over come my fear of gg back to teach and facing unresponsive pple in my life, cos the kind of people whom i fear most are angry people and unresponsive people.

it's great to know that we are spurring each other on in this race.. for those who haven got the posts up.. do keep it gg.. to stay connected.. hope that all in the family is viewing the blog.

love ya

Our Giants -that we need to face

hi there, i'm blogging our burdens on behalf of our group (fiona, des, guifang and me)

Guess its really a transitional period of the three of us in our work.

Pray for guifang that she will learn to conquer her maths problems that seems difficult to solve.
Pray for fiona, that she will be bold and courageous to face the giant in her life. her evaluation, that she will pass this evaluation and go to NIE happily. That she will persevere on to hang on to this dream of being a teacher.
Pray for Des, that she will be patient with herself in picking up the skills and training in her new working environment. That she will not put so much pressure on herself and that there will be favor between her and her colleagues and boss. That she will hang on tightly to God during this period of time.
Pray for me, that i will learn to let go of people who are close to me. Let go of cell members and surrender to the Lord knowing He can carry my burdens better than i do, letting go of them knowing that they do not belong to me.

Thats all i remember, p.s. please correct if there are any more that i mite have left out.
Let us be overcomers in Christ!

-val

Not by might.

Here's what we have shared on Sunday, do keep us in prayer!

Xue Mei - feels burdened to do more for her grandma, but encounters guilt because of her own limitations. Grandma is really sick and doctors' prognosis isn't optimistic.

Gwen - feels that she should do more to spread Christ to her family members, worries that her family members will pass away before knowing Christ.

Yvonne - sometimes I feel responsible for the GB girls and the way that they have turned out. I feel bad that maybe I could have done more, and I feel guilty sometimes for not caring more about them.

Our homework assignment

OUr burdens

We feel that we are responsible for the growth of our members and friends..like mel said, carry other people's monkey....
At times, when we dont see them grow, we feel unsure whether are we doing enough, are we good enough
We feel unappreciated at times....just felt prompted to share with u all something..hee..Working at uwc really taught me a lot..
There was once where i help a kid to get the ball from a steep slope..was really scared..though i am big..yup haha....
The next day, i tried to smile at the kid.but he didnt response..felt like he had forgotten what i did for him..because all he cares for was his ball...feel unappreciated...but God reminded me that He knows what i did...
Just wan to affirm u all that God sees all your effort...all the things that u have done..and He wants to say a big THANK YOU...hee..ok hope u all understand what i am trying to say..haha..

OUr fear

We fear losing the people we know..we are not afraid of death..but afraid of seeing our loves one dying especially if they dont know the Lord yet..Please pray that our family will be saved..pray for nuan yi's grandpa..he is very old already..pray that He will believe in God.

Pray for jen. She fears that she will go back to her old ways
Pray for me. I fear rejections, afraid of losin the people i know.
Pray for nuan yi that she wont fear failures.

By Cheong =)

Free Spirits

Been a rocky week, with ups and downs. Thank God sch is really getting better, and i'm so blessed. Being heckcare like always, i didn't bother to print lecture notes, but somehow 3 diff ppl in my 3 diff lectures happened to print extra/had to print for themselves last min so helped me print. In any case, i just went to class empty-handed and always ended up with lecture notes from a friend. And one lent me her RBR notes to photocopy--those in NUS shd know these are like rare treasures, plus i bumped into a yr 3 friend who lent me her book for this sem so i need not buy/hunt it down somehow. Praise the Lord! =)

Free Spirits. It's always a controversy, whether God's laws liberate or restrict. If the latter were true, wouldn't that make all Christians Dead Spirits? If one were to be too caught up in the rules, then i believe it would kill our spirit. But that was not what God intended, for it is truly impossible for us to abide by all the laws. Yet it is the Heart of the Law that matters, it is this that liberates. It's a matter of perspective, and maturity. It's a matter of wisdom. The difference btw seeing a law as liberating/restrictive lies in how far you see. For many of us in our infancy see only the immediate future. We want to yield to our pleasures. Now. But if we were to look into the crystal globe, the consequences of these temporary pleasures yield much destruction. Initially, it may appear liberating to be able to do whatever u want to, whenever. You could get into all sorts of nonsense and feel in control. But after awhile, who controls who? I'd think the nonsense controls you. And that hardly seems liberating.Still there were times when i was close to embracing something i know will not have a future. Sometimes it seems, even education can confuse you. Learning to be critical bout everything makes one wonder sometimes, who's to say what's wrong? Sometimes excessive knowledge, when mishandled, can cause destruction. It's like in the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God said they would die. While they did not die in the way they'd imagined, which was what the evil serpent manipulated to cause them to doubt God, they died to innocence, they died to purity, they died to that intimate closeness with God. Once they'd everything they needed and wanted, a perfect utopia, now they were cursed and had to endure suffering in the world. God knew that they would not be able to handle the Knowledge of Good and Evil, so He commanded them not to. But they disobeyed, and while there remained traces of good in men, it was the evil that proliferated. So much obscenity in the world today, so much suffering and agony, because of that Fruit our ancestors couldn't resist. I'm not saying that we should thus quit studying, but that along with greater knowledge comes greater risk of stumbling, and we should hold on tight to Wisdom in those times.

But it is certainly Folly speaking when you know deep inside what your conscience, or the Holy Spirit, says and choose to drown out that small, still voice anyway. Sure your flesh will fight, you'd try to justify your own ends, and of course the devil will take the chance to join in and fan the flames. But i've chosen to yield to my flesh too many times and reaped the undesirable consequences, and no longer will i do that. I choose wisdom, i choose to listen to the small, still voice that is always right. But that does not mean i am thus a Dead Spirit. On the contrary, when i made the decision i felt free. Cos i may not be in control, but God is. And better Him than me, cos i trust Him more than i trust myself. I am a Free Spirit, because my Lord Jesus, He sets me free.

FAREWELL.... WE MISS YOU DEBBIE & SUET...+VONNE CONVO

VONNE's SPECIAL DAY!

At the airpot, where we bade farewell to suet and debbie.. i remember that it was an eventful day.. with yvonne's convocation and the send off... OUR family had some new additions..

Val +reg family.... Pray that they will grow strong together, regardless of distance.. God will close all distance, physically/spiritually and emotionally. Welcome back liling and mabel..

DEbbie.. a grandaughter i will remember, of that time at the beach where she shared something with me and i know that she is one after God's heart, and one who is steadfast in her values and will not settle for God's second best for her.

Suet.. One i will miss.. She often adds laughter, being herself, so candid and true.. ENcouraged by her emails to keep us updated.. Hope to see you back soon!! Moo moo ~

The prelude to the macs birthday celebration.. Peng puts together her secret invitation.

With much help, it was done...

PENG's BIRTHDAY

OUR FAMILY PARTY


OUR SPECIAL BIRTHDAY GIRL

ONE BIG FAMILY... SPOT YOURSELF =)

PRAYER WARRIORS AT WORK

BIRTHDAY GIRL AND HER BLESSEE

WE LOVE YOU PENG PENG!!

Fiona Banana

Lyrics:
Fiona nananana My banana
Fiona nananana My banana
Not mangoes, not cherries, not papaya
Fiona nananana My banana

And we'll go to Swensen's to have a Banana Split but we will probably just order everything~

Fiona nananana My banana
Fiona nananana My banana
Fiona nananana My banana (auto fade away)

Ah. The song that I wrote during network camp.
The annoying song that got stuck in everyone's mind.
Fiona, if you want me to sing this at your wedding please book me in advance.

WOAH

A friend(pre-believer) has a WOAH moment during one of our random rants and I thought I should share it with everyone. :)

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


I was being lazy to find and ask where he got this from.. but it doesn't matter isn't it? I just thought the last lines were especially liberating. :)

F is for my beloved Family

(From my blog)
This entry is dedicated to one of my most cherished gifts from above-my spiritual family. Keluarga saya. You all mean so much to me.

To Mel Mummy...Thank you so much for guiding me through life in these difficult growing up years. You're one of the only people in this world i'd tell practically everything to, and be sure that you'd give me the best advice, out of love, and you would most certainly keep my secrets and not judge me. I've grown a lot less dependent, but i still delight in the comfort that you are there to help me make decisions and encourage me along, i think i've truly grown to trust you, even in times when you're busy and don't reply me, i know you're praying for me, and that is enough.

To Yvonne...All these years that we were in the same family i've never expected us to be able to clique so well, like we have in recent months. Like we could crap together and all last time, but now i really feel so comfortable sharing with you, spending (so much) time together, being silly and having fun together. I still remember you were my angel. Haha.

To Valerie...I think God put us in the same cell for a reason, really. Though we are so diff (eg. taste in music), we are so alike in so many ways. There are things that i know only you can relate to. Recent days have brought us closer, thank you for putting your trust in me. Haha i think you're the kind of friend i can just sit at a cafe with and yak and yak for the whole day.

To Regina...The most significant phase of our friendship has to be when i was still in your cell, and i was going through the worst phase of my life. You were so supportive and encouraging even though i was truly wayward. You accepted me for who i was, and instead of condemning me and disciplining me you gave me comfort, which was really what i needed then. Though i struggled with your ways at first, that period of time i truly felt your love, and i will never forget.

To Elaine...Haha God brought us back in each other's lives in such an unimaginable way. And i am truly glad to have you in this family. You're such a gem to me. Everytime i see you i feel so comfortable. Just wanna pull u along to skip down the path with me or mess up your hair. Hee. Really do enjoy being around you.

To Cheong...I think God really brought us closer, through UWC, Egg camp, SOL, GB. Haha. I think our friendship was a bit awkward at first, but it has really grown. As i get to know u better i really appreciate your helpfulness, you're always the first one to volunteer if anyone needs help, or company. And your child-like faith and humbleness never fails to inspire me. Really enjoyed tt day out with you, learnt so much bout u tt i never knew before. Like how u're scared of birds. Lol. Thank you for trusting me, and i know you will keep my secrets well too. =)

To Peng...I really enjoy those late-night talks we have going home together. Somehow it's always kinda surreal, sitting at the bus-stop in the middle of the night sharing our thoughts, passions and dreams. You're someone i feel comfortable around. Thank you for the joy u bring. =)

To Desiree...Thinking back i really think u changed a lot. Haha. I remember years back u were quite shy, but now u're so much more confident. Wonder if u remember this but you prayed for me once, years ago, and the song "Holy holy holy" was playing. I remember i was really touched, and we hugged or something. Till now the song reminds me of u. I always think of u as the Prayer Warrior Princess. Hee. Your prayers are always so powerful and accurate.

To Chng...Your crazy "hey girls!" side of you brings out the nutty side of me. Hahaha. Actually i think you're a very funny person. Capable of making me laugh a lot. Love doing insane things together, like marching like penguins behind the girls just now. And bullying you. Lol. Yupp and i think you're a very caring and selfless person, though u might not realise it yourself.

To Gwen...Hahaha our taste in books is amusingly opposite. Love your easy-going ways, somehow i feel you take delight in little things, like a child would, and i really admire that. Love that u're always smiling and laughing, looking at u makes me wanna smile too. =)

To Fiona...I didn't really know u back then, when we were in the same cell. But upon coming back to become sisters again now, i feel that u've become a much happier person since last time. And a lot stronger, too. You might think u're weak, we all do, but i really do see God displaying His strength through u. Really v proud of u, how u go out of your comfort zone to mother your girls without complaint. I think u're doing a great job.

To Nuanyi...I've known u since bp netball times, though we weren't very close. That's...7 years. Haha. Think u've become a lot more talkative hee. Which is good. I really do think you're very talented, i know God has great plans for u to use this God-given gift. Be strong and very courageous, and go out there and do your best. We'll always be your greatest fans.

I love you all. =)

Bless bless and bless

Dear daughters...

Just want to thank you for all ur support and understanding even in this time of my adjustment to work. It's really encouraging to see how you all are really rising up to do things out of your comfort zone and taking the initiative.Keep it up! Hope that you all have enjoyed the retreat as much as i had. =)

Just want to post up the groupings for the 100 K challenge:
1) Cheong, grace, charis, kai
2) val, beiqin, suet
3) Nuan Yi, Elaine, Victorette
4) Jen, yvonne, Xinyi
5) Melissa, Gwen, Fiona
6) Peng, reg, des, debbie

For my group, i met up with fiona today and we prayed tog, our gp's daily synchronised prayer is at 11pm. So do go abt arranging ur times in ur gp.

Also some clarifications. The pastors will not contact ur friends, but they will mail sth to them, nth offensive, just to let them know that they will be kept in prayer, in fact till the end of the year. Though we are sent out to find pple to bless for one mth.. The prayer will carry on till the year end which is also part of consolidation by faith.

Beyond all these... may blessing be a lifestyle of ours.

Please keep me in prayer, cos i have a vision to see a church set up in my workplace.. starting this thurs. PRay that GOd' presence will visit and the pple will find rest. That the church will be a place of rest.

Love you all in His love.. Do keep testimonies cmg in!

Mummy

Are you part of the 100K blessing?

Extracted from my blog.

We went back home after taking of photos and i am pretty much excited about going out to bless the nation with this 100K blessing. Especially along town area and in hospitals, but have to check out though, nurses might not want strangers to intrude esp after visitation hours. Like Fiona, i was counting the number of people i want to bless, whether or not there's already 20. But while walking home along the ulu bangsa street, God spoke to me, 'Val, its not the numbers that i want, its not about meeting the quota of 20 that you have to start searching your hp contacts for people to bless. I will bring to you these people, at the right place, the right time and the right people, all you have to do is to tune in to my voice.' I'm taken aback and am really enlightened. I repented and immediately obeyed His words.

And after i got home and bathed, nisa came to my room, wanting to teach me to make recycled paper, and i asked her about the blessing. Immediately, she said she wanted. And praise God! She's the 1st person that God wants me to bless. =)) After that, i felt prompted to ask my mom also. I asked her if she wants to be part of this 100K blessing, and she said 'ok, but i dont want 100K, i want infinite blessings from God!'. As usual la, i gave her the ?huh? look. After she saw the 12 blessings, haha she said she wanted all of them! -_-'' Boy, she hungry for God's blessings. then she said 'You ah...ALWAYS ENTICING ME ABOUT SUCH STUFF!!!" ahha but in the end she chose no.10 and she shared with me the book she was reading. It was about Forgiveness and she has reached the last chapter, its about 'how to lay down your burdens and how to release forgiveness!' She was so shocked that everything came so timely and believed it's indeed his works and not mine! Praise God man..

Dear sisters and brothers, i pray that this testimony will be able to let you grow more in faith and trusting the Lord. Things can never go wrong with God.

to Mel, thanks for your affirmation and encouragement. thanks for always being there for me and helping me out in the cell group. Your presence was sufficient.

to Regina, we will grow this cell together. Thank God for your willingness to always help people around you. I was one of those blessed by your acts of kindness. I miss supper times, this time round i will initiate to organize.

to Von, thanks for being such a wonderful listener and all the times of sharing we had. Thanks also for enduring with me at cambodia. Haha (sshh our secret, though i tink the whole cell knows already) Your humor has indeed brought me a lot of joy.

to Des, i miss those times we chatted over msn, just sharing our ups and downs. Please do come n click on me, coz my msn contacts r all gone.

to Fiona, thank God for your faithfulness. As you continue to mother tricia, gf and the rest of the cell, i pray that you will learn and understand the heart of a mother. If you need advice on bgr, just ask me ok? i'm not super pro la, but at least been thru enough to be able to help you through i guess. We will go massage together.

to Chng, i miss those times preparing singspiration in Sci Canteen and leading worship with you in gb. As you take up the role as an officer in gb, i pray that faith and trust will rise up in you, that you'll learn how to surrender to the Lord.

to Gwen, thanks for your prayers and chatting over msn. It was indeed a time of bonding and getting to know you better this year. The Lord just wants to say to you 'He's really proud of you'. To the things you do, I just want to affirm you that its really good enough. We appreciate it and the Lord appreciates it as well.

to Cheong, as you mother claris and grace, the Lord is faithful to provide. Know that He is your provider and you will be blessed. He will never short change you. Jia you in spiritual mothering, we are running this race together. Thank God for you, for always taking the time off on fridays to help me and regina lead worship and play the guitar. I really appreciate it loads. You dont know how much it means to us.

to Nuanyi, thank God for all the times we chatted over msn in the mornings when i had nothing to do at work. thank God for the times we had in cambodia too, i pray for more chances to be able to know you better. Let's continue to run on this race, towards our goal where Jesus is awaiting us.

to Elaine, i enjoyed your cookies and chocs and rice that you cooked. You muz teach me how to do so in the future! I want to cook for my husband as well. haha! And i know you will also take delight in preparing food for your other half in the future. Be still and know that He is God.

to Jen, thanks for all the sharing. We shall keep each other accountable. Just want to let you know i'm here if you need a listening ear. Remember, we will not settle for the 2nd best.

to Sik, thanks for being there as a friend when i started cell, your support really did make a difference, if you do not know. Thanks for bringing so much joy and laughter to us too.

to my dear daughters, i just want to tell you that i'm proud of you all. Dont ever think that you are running this race alone, coz i'm always here with you. God is always here with you too. We will wait patiently for the rest to come back, coz Love is patient. Let's continue to run on this race together. I'm excited seeing each one of you growing slowly but surely. Love you always.