hello~~ first time blogging....hehe. i think what fiona has said is a very good example of why the bible calls us to be "set apart" for God. i mean the world believes that through pursuing success only can we gain happiness but don't we all know that that is a filthy lie?? fiona i encourage you today to be Christlike in your workplace...this is where God has placed you, and in the darkest of times only can your star shine so bright bright!! don't be discouraged when things around you are bleak but in all circumstances be thankful yeah~ i know its easy to say for me but i know if you ask God today He will bring you through :D

today sol2 was very good. it wasn't ps william but ps josephine...she so crappy~ wahahaha..i like. we prayed in tongues for 20 mins!! and after tat nadine n i prayed in tongues for another 20 mins again while praying for grace to receive tongues :p n its really good...its very good for your spiritman really....i feel so energised and happy even when i have like 2 exam papers tomolo n it's really impossible for me to study everything finish by this time. haha.

but by God's grace i shall study the minimal and use it for the maximal. amen.

next time let us all spent time praying in tongues ok? i had a revelation while reading the bible a few days ago...shall post it up when i have time after exams [which is TOMORROW] haha. take care u guys :) God bless all of u~

yah u guys r right...working life can be so polluted with dirty jokes, lewd comments, vulgar language n bitching. my supervisor tells me to survive in this industry i have to be pushy & persistent in order to meet deadlines....feels like a cold blooded monster to me. my supervisor has been trying to prep talk me into deciding for my future career. graduates find their jobs a year before they graduate....I was often told. i really really dun knoe what am i going to do when i graduate in july next year. No perfect dream n passion. marketing is just an interest n sth i enjoy but have no strong passion for it. when the time comes for me to decide, i will do whatever the Lord wants me to do......I still cant figure out what he has in store of my career. I feel lost.. all i knoe is that he holds my hand. am i trusting him enough? my supervisor was just asking me what i do during the weekends. I say church activities....she told me she used to attend CHC n stopped because she is too busy with work n she finds that after a while the pastors repeat the same stuff again & again. they do but isnt it for a good reason. another backsliding christian. its so sad...i can hear the underlying sarcasm as she assumes the church as my only interest in life and that my attendance in church is to be a pastor or to work for the church. My christian life consist alot more than that n a lot more than what she can imagine!!!!!!!! we dun attend church to be pastors!!!!! y r we christians viewed in this way? like we have some kind of ulterior motive? as if we r a bunch of hypocrites? she made it sound like everyone also can be pastors? these are precious gems specially hand picked by GOD we r talking abt. not every tom, dick n harry like me r up to this job. but what is GOD's calling for me in my life? luv fiona

Coming to blog announcement. Ps Debra has booked MagicBox for us... on Dec6! 2-5pm. woohoo. Our first pre-arranged jamming session!! and according to Des, _ _ _ _ _ has agreed to join us. I guess Von will b learning drums, 'cos Des doesnt want to. But NY n Fiona cant join us. NY, we'll have another power jamming of jay chou songs after their return from mission trip.

Yupz, Fiona.. we'll b praying. Nowadays, i'm seeing more lost sheep. Let's continue with passion praying for the harvest. Believing they'll come and accept Jesus as the answer for their lives! The christmas bash is coming. Sth to get excited about. and NY n I are starting sch too. Make use of our hols... your last call to jio us out. [getting crappy.]

-looking forward to Dec6!!-

Oops. I'm blogging again. (Result of no personal blog?) Yay!! People's exam are coming to an end soon. It's so fast. My exam results are due to b out today. But it's 12.50AM now... n the system is still not showing. Heart's pounding faster... Schoolmate said 8am. Wonder if i can still slp.
Oh yes.. i'm blogging 'cos i got sth to say. NY, Regi n I finally settled down to decide on the subzone T-shirt design. Since we just got new shirts and pple might nt b willing to pay, we've decided to do our own and let u guys view. If u want, den get it. GoOna b good manz. *excited* N it's gonna b a pink T-shirt. ;)
Came across this passage while reading an e-mail daily bread. It spoke to me. Wanna share.
Psalm 51:7-127
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I willbe whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide Your face from my sins and blot outall my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

hey, i've seen the new look on our cell blog. i think it rocks. thank u desiree for changing it. we all need a renewal, so does our blog. and i just feel so grateful for this family that god has given me. i really enjoy the time we spend together fellowshiping, worshiping him like yesterday. and all the support, thank u very much. i never really knew i had friends like this and i'm glad god showed me he didn't forget to give them to me. the joy that you guys place in my heart creates a longing in me to yearn for more. and maybe this is the kind of joy that god intends us to have. one that is from the family and when we worship and fellowship together. sometimes i really wish we all didn't have to leave, i wish everyday can be saturday. with god, with you cuz it's really not easy being out there alone. i know everyday can be saturday, but saturday is just a different day. like desiree, i also dunno why i'm blogging here instead of my own. but it just feels different. but right now, this blog is no longer lonely. maybe my own one is. there's a family here and who wouldn't enjoy having a family to blog with. but really, there's still so much more to grow and know each other about cuz when i looked at each of you, i thought what do i know about their spiritual life and what they're facing now? somehow i really can't answer that. it's just a face to me, but behind every face is a story, but one untold. right now, i really feel like i'm so far from who god wants me to be. there's so many things that i haven't done, the attitudes that i didn't realised i had and yet to correct. it's really not easy to put on a whole new set of attitudes tomorrow, but little by little, i'll try to change. the first step of changing is recognising. let's all recognise the problems with our old attitudes and put on new ones today, one by one. god bless you all, especially those with exams. take care. (i really can't wait to jam with our new-formed band. i hope we can do it, as in produce nice music, though we know almost zero about drums, i pray that god will help us. indeed, serve before you seek to be entertained. serve with passion.)

for the cell:
Heavenly Father... I thank you for this wonderful family. Thank you for all the victories won. Lord, i ask that you teach us how to love like how u love us. I ask that you teach us how you see us and your love for us that we can always stand in awe of. Father, I thank you for sending Jesus to be with us. Even as we fail to be there always for each other, You are there for us. Lord, I ask that you continue to do the cleansing work in each of our lives. We give you the freedom to remove any competing thrones in our lives for we want You as our no. 1 always! Though it may be painful but Lord, you promised that that is still the best way out. Remind us to continuously to trust in You - the God who is in control. And never to let the desire for You to die. For You are the air that we breathe. Create in us a pure heart. And guide us in walking right with You each day. Allow each of us to find our significance in You alone Father. May the blood of the lamb be upon us. And bless all those (Von, Des, Mel, Char, YT) who're studying for exams and satisfy each of their needs. Be with Fiona as she starts her attachment. And may the rest make full use of their holidays for You. Thank you Lord. In Jesus' sweetest name i pray, Amen.

Woohoo. I'm still high from the mini worship we had just now. Fiona must join us nxt time!! I love the guitar, i love this family and i love this God! Okay, told u i was high. So magicBox onz? Shall be waiting for you pepz exams to end!

Today was quite terrific. 'Cos Ps Khong msg kinda spoke to me. Last night God showed me this person tat my unkind words are always directed at. My response was "God, do i surgery for my heart." I know whenever I judge pple, I'll judge myself too. So in e end, i end up hating myself. Felt lots of shame, guilt. So Pastor Khong's new beginning from this day really refreshed me. Plus the Holy Sprit gave me a vision of Him visiting me while we were singing "Holy Spirit rain down". I shall guard my heart. -standing in awe of how He saved a wretch like me-

Oh yes, i cant stop singing this. She has decided to follow Jesus, She has decided to follow Jesus, She has decided to follow Jesus, No turning back NO turning back!! These days having this joy within me, can't help being proud of NY. Hey girl, we want you to know, we'll be here for you. Jesus loves you and We do too!

fiona here. so sorry couldnt be there to join u guys...just missed out on another chance to get to knoe u guys better. i feel like a newbie sometimes but u guys have been tolerant as i'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with....having a rather reserved n weird personality that needs lots of warming up before it gets chatty. a split personality? guess i need to move on beyond toking abt generic stuff like school work which gets really really dry after a while. we need more time n more chances to get to knoe each other better, dun we?

after hearing mel's prep talk to the cell group n subzone, i felt a bit guilty. sometimes i hear that little voice in my head saying pray for this person but often i think a bit too much, wait a bit too long, hesitate a bit too much n the opportunity flies away as fast as it came. i am such a bad girl...i dun listen n do what HE wants me to do. no wonder HE doesnt speak to me when i am expecting HIM to. i am listening to too many other voices. i need to change dun i?

another thing was that everyone seems to zip up during the sharing session. i am highly guilty of that...just afraid everyone will sort of look at me with jaundiced eyes n say "i didnt knoe fiona is like dat" actually i wanted to share this during the sharing session but held back coz my bro was ard. actually GOD spoke to me thru mel's prayer...it hit a raw nerve when she said "somebody said some hurtful words to u...i think of family....it created the inferior complex in u" woops the first person that came to my mind was my mum. i had a very unhappy childhood bcoz of her fiery temper that nobody wants to offend. in my face she tells me that i am ugly that i am only good for studying. even if its the truth no girl wants to be told that! its hurtful! its just too bad that i aint a replica of her beauty when she was younger just like my sis. yah thus i always felt inferior to my sis in every way. my mum was e biggest barrier that stopped me fr attending church all these yrs. but i have forgiven her. her recent conversion to christianity helped to improved our relationship n her child like faith continues to amaze me. n i am encouraged by her to attend church! something totally impossible of her in the past. hallelujah!

I will pray i will try to be stronger, to be more positive, to be more beautiful in his eyes!

*applause* for Des! I love tat pic. a new look, a new feel.
I really thank God for the bond I feel in this family. Suddenly I learn to appreciate the passage about each of us having a different role in the family. Through all the after-SOL outings and other gatherings, we've learnt more about each other. Really enjoyed those times we spent together. And NY! We're all rejoicing tat you've overcomed and your love for Jesus stands firm and strong above all else! The angels in heaven rejoices with us. ;)
I really wanna thank God for every single individual in the cell - we won't b complete without everyone of u. (but we're still encouraging more rite?) Thank God for the leader - words r not enough 2 express my gratitude. Thank God for the cross - i marvel at His grace. Thank God for Jesus - the man who showed tat there's hope... in me, for me.
Princesses in Christ, let's continue to shine for Jesus... for in Him, there's hope in the world.

This is my first post on this blog too. I'm following NY's cue to post. I want to thank God for every single individuals here. Had lots of fun and laughter. All the Jay Chou singing and rappings. I realised God placed many musically talented people here. :) Let's continue to bring joy around... and shine for Jesus! =)
-Weiying-

My first blog for this cell blog, and all I wanna say is I thank God for this family that is here. For each and everyone in this cell because you all are so great and special and great fun. For all the times that I spent with you guys, it just rocks cuz I know it's a family and such great fun to be spending time with this family. So thank you all for everything. For accepting one another and loving each other. Thank you for all the joy and fun. Let's continue to be happening and rock the place even more!! God bless all!

::nuan yi::

Heyhey,

it must have been ages since i written something here. Sorry for my MIA.

Spook Show was alright, though i felt that last's year's show was better. Maybe it is because i am not in tune with the psychics and stuff and so it did not speak to me as much.

Feel that there is a need to share with you all what has been going on, with regards to my absence from cell and church. I guess it is my same old problem of not being able to commit to God as i could to any school stuff. Mel is often puzzled how i could stay back for hours just for a cca meeting. But to me, it is not a cca but a meeting up with good friends and an important time to relax. i do not know why i cannot relate to cell and church the same way as school activities. Am absolutely sure it is not you guys (don't worry!) that makes me turn away every weekend. it's just that school activities are legitimate reasons to stay out in my family's point of view, and i totally enjoy what i am involved in.

Church and cell has been pressurizing in a way. It has been like this since jc times and a feeling of dread always lingers when the weekend comes. Totally dread asking whether i can go for church on sat. Since young, i always tell my mum to where and with whom i will be going out with, thus saying i am going somewhere else will make me feel very guilty. think the problem stems from my mum still wanting to make decisions for me, or rather i have not proven to her that i can stand for myself.

And another thing my brother will jeer at me everytime i come back from service because he is so anti. His comments can really affect me and i think "why do i have to go through this?" and regret going for church stuff. i guess i am not the kind who can bravely push on when i feel judged at home. and that i have to face my family day in day out. Even during service, i will worry about what he will say and it feels absolutely dreadful. and i really don't want to upset things at home.

and i find it hard to say an outright "no, i do not want to go for this and that" because you guys are my friends and that church stuff can mean so so much to you guys. i know God is the real one i have to account to, but making you all disappointed everytime is making me feel bad. Thus i always feel that there is a need to give an indefinite answer first although in my mind, i know i will not go. This is so superficial of me :( My mum always tells me to come up with excuses instead of saying things outright thus i think i am totally influenced by this manner of handling stuff, since she repeats this kind of advice at any available opportunity. and i know she means well and does not want me to spoil my relationship with you guys.

SIGH.

i guess through all this, church has become an emblem of discomforting thoughts and situations. it does nto seem to be liberating or happy place, nor it is a place where i can be relieved of my problems. instead, it seems to be a reason behind my perceived problems of felling pressurized, unhappy etc. Thus i find it extremely hard and even illogical to sacrifice time and my life for God. Taking the first step into a situation i will probably find dreadful and unbearable for a long time seems out of the question.

i fear there is no more hunger, nor do i desire for any at the moment.
really don't know where i will go from here.

jo

hey hi guys...fiona here!!!! thot i should post sth coz the last entry was in june. somehow glad to be back! the memories n the frens i made in perth....nv forget them for they have changed my life forever. i believed that i have walked a few more steps closer to the LORD.  nv mind what others may say i knoe i have become stronger, more confident n positive abt life. no more that sad, negative, depressed  freak i was before. the side of me that unknown to all but myself n HIM.  survivor of the worst time i ever had in my life. miss my frens in perth but i knoe its time to pick up from where i last left n move on with a new life as a new person.  friendships, memories n lessons learnt will always be close to my heart n part of my life. would like to thank some of you guys for your emails n for taking time to chat on icq with me. would luv the chance to get to  knoe u guys better since i am back for good.

hello kc n mich here.

hihi fiona here!!!! i knoe u guys r having a lot of stress about the exams n stuff.....remember today's daily bread teaching that when the circumstances overwhelm and seem too much to bear, depend upon the Lord for strength and trust his tender care. will pray for all of yah!! i am pretty much struggling myself with loneliness, boredom, home sickness, being racially insulted, problems with flatmate and the list goes on. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me just bearly two months of being here in Perth....i just break out in tears over small things. i feel dat i havent laughed for a long time. Lost my cheerfulness n became a sad, worried, lonely n sensitive freak. n poor jolene's email seems to be flooded with all my problems n lamentings. i have wondered so many times y GOD had brought me to this place to go through all these...wouldnt it been better if i stayed in spore. but now i knoe how wrong i am to think that way. I have never felt so excited, looking forward to the end of the week coz there is cell group meetings on friday and church on sunday. n with the free time on hand, i have started reading the bible from page one n getting fascinated by the biblical characters n HIS wonderful miracles. I am listening to the christian radio station everyday too...unfortunately only a few of the songs r christian song. the radio station have very powerful speakers who share their testimonies every night....every time i feel that God is speaking to me thru their message. I have finally sorted out my thots tonight...GOD brought me here so that i can spend more time with him n not the short 10 minutes i devote to him in spore every night. He also wanted me to go thru all these trials so that i can learn to lean on him n let him take control of my life. Life is never lonely without Him!!! i promise u all esp jolene that i will learn to let go of my problems n be optimistic n happy no matter what happens!!!!

yoyoyo vonnie here.

hmm. yup...when i read des blog i really felt as though God is speaking to me you know. so many times i've told myself to rest in God rest in God rest in God but eventually i don't really practice what i've preached. i fret and worry and i keep asking God why am i doing so abyssmally in my modules...i falter and i doubted and all this while i keep saying i will trust in God.

i feel so ashamed.

had a horrendous test today. yar. sounds and words. dah. i shared melissa's past test papers with my friends and in the end it helped them in answering the test. but i felt as though i screwed up the test, and i didn't put melissa's answers to good use at all. and i felt as though you know, like a selfish human being would, like why am i so stupid to share melissa's answers with them? and i felt terrible thinking that way. because melissa lent me her answers to be a blessing to me, so i should spread the blessing to others too.

it's as though God keeps testing me, stretching my patience and my faith this sem. putting me in many situations where i'd fall in my walk in Him, doubting Him and yet you all keep saying i have a childlike faith. i really don't deserve this. i wish i could be strong in my faith, and not go into periods of highs and lows.

yar, but i was just asking God again to just touch me once more. and i suddenly feel that all this while i've been coming to God with a wrong heart. i come to God expecting Him to bless me. Expecting Him to do something good. and i realise that is not resting in Him at all. i am His servant and obeying Him is something i should do. (i noe the bible did mention something like tat lar) Not that God doesn't want to bless me or what, but my focus has been on the blessings, and not on God.

i haven't learnt to let go. letting go is the hardest thing i can do right now. but i told God that even though i may fail in my modules eventually or what, i will still continue to praise God. because i already have what i need in this life, and that's enough for me. doing badly is just a phase in life, but praising God is never-ending. and i know in future i will encounter setbacks and i may falter in my faith, but i will rise up again and continue to praise Him. yup, that's my prayer to Him.

and i thought of this song:

i was made to praise You
i was made to glorify Your name
in every circumstance
to find a chance to thank You
i was made to love You
i was made to worship at Your feet
and to obey You lord
i was made for You.