Heyhey,

it must have been ages since i written something here. Sorry for my MIA.

Spook Show was alright, though i felt that last's year's show was better. Maybe it is because i am not in tune with the psychics and stuff and so it did not speak to me as much.

Feel that there is a need to share with you all what has been going on, with regards to my absence from cell and church. I guess it is my same old problem of not being able to commit to God as i could to any school stuff. Mel is often puzzled how i could stay back for hours just for a cca meeting. But to me, it is not a cca but a meeting up with good friends and an important time to relax. i do not know why i cannot relate to cell and church the same way as school activities. Am absolutely sure it is not you guys (don't worry!) that makes me turn away every weekend. it's just that school activities are legitimate reasons to stay out in my family's point of view, and i totally enjoy what i am involved in.

Church and cell has been pressurizing in a way. It has been like this since jc times and a feeling of dread always lingers when the weekend comes. Totally dread asking whether i can go for church on sat. Since young, i always tell my mum to where and with whom i will be going out with, thus saying i am going somewhere else will make me feel very guilty. think the problem stems from my mum still wanting to make decisions for me, or rather i have not proven to her that i can stand for myself.

And another thing my brother will jeer at me everytime i come back from service because he is so anti. His comments can really affect me and i think "why do i have to go through this?" and regret going for church stuff. i guess i am not the kind who can bravely push on when i feel judged at home. and that i have to face my family day in day out. Even during service, i will worry about what he will say and it feels absolutely dreadful. and i really don't want to upset things at home.

and i find it hard to say an outright "no, i do not want to go for this and that" because you guys are my friends and that church stuff can mean so so much to you guys. i know God is the real one i have to account to, but making you all disappointed everytime is making me feel bad. Thus i always feel that there is a need to give an indefinite answer first although in my mind, i know i will not go. This is so superficial of me :( My mum always tells me to come up with excuses instead of saying things outright thus i think i am totally influenced by this manner of handling stuff, since she repeats this kind of advice at any available opportunity. and i know she means well and does not want me to spoil my relationship with you guys.

SIGH.

i guess through all this, church has become an emblem of discomforting thoughts and situations. it does nto seem to be liberating or happy place, nor it is a place where i can be relieved of my problems. instead, it seems to be a reason behind my perceived problems of felling pressurized, unhappy etc. Thus i find it extremely hard and even illogical to sacrifice time and my life for God. Taking the first step into a situation i will probably find dreadful and unbearable for a long time seems out of the question.

i fear there is no more hunger, nor do i desire for any at the moment.
really don't know where i will go from here.

jo

hey hi guys...fiona here!!!! thot i should post sth coz the last entry was in june. somehow glad to be back! the memories n the frens i made in perth....nv forget them for they have changed my life forever. i believed that i have walked a few more steps closer to the LORD.  nv mind what others may say i knoe i have become stronger, more confident n positive abt life. no more that sad, negative, depressed  freak i was before. the side of me that unknown to all but myself n HIM.  survivor of the worst time i ever had in my life. miss my frens in perth but i knoe its time to pick up from where i last left n move on with a new life as a new person.  friendships, memories n lessons learnt will always be close to my heart n part of my life. would like to thank some of you guys for your emails n for taking time to chat on icq with me. would luv the chance to get to  knoe u guys better since i am back for good.

hello kc n mich here.

hihi fiona here!!!! i knoe u guys r having a lot of stress about the exams n stuff.....remember today's daily bread teaching that when the circumstances overwhelm and seem too much to bear, depend upon the Lord for strength and trust his tender care. will pray for all of yah!! i am pretty much struggling myself with loneliness, boredom, home sickness, being racially insulted, problems with flatmate and the list goes on. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me just bearly two months of being here in Perth....i just break out in tears over small things. i feel dat i havent laughed for a long time. Lost my cheerfulness n became a sad, worried, lonely n sensitive freak. n poor jolene's email seems to be flooded with all my problems n lamentings. i have wondered so many times y GOD had brought me to this place to go through all these...wouldnt it been better if i stayed in spore. but now i knoe how wrong i am to think that way. I have never felt so excited, looking forward to the end of the week coz there is cell group meetings on friday and church on sunday. n with the free time on hand, i have started reading the bible from page one n getting fascinated by the biblical characters n HIS wonderful miracles. I am listening to the christian radio station everyday too...unfortunately only a few of the songs r christian song. the radio station have very powerful speakers who share their testimonies every night....every time i feel that God is speaking to me thru their message. I have finally sorted out my thots tonight...GOD brought me here so that i can spend more time with him n not the short 10 minutes i devote to him in spore every night. He also wanted me to go thru all these trials so that i can learn to lean on him n let him take control of my life. Life is never lonely without Him!!! i promise u all esp jolene that i will learn to let go of my problems n be optimistic n happy no matter what happens!!!!

yoyoyo vonnie here.

hmm. yup...when i read des blog i really felt as though God is speaking to me you know. so many times i've told myself to rest in God rest in God rest in God but eventually i don't really practice what i've preached. i fret and worry and i keep asking God why am i doing so abyssmally in my modules...i falter and i doubted and all this while i keep saying i will trust in God.

i feel so ashamed.

had a horrendous test today. yar. sounds and words. dah. i shared melissa's past test papers with my friends and in the end it helped them in answering the test. but i felt as though i screwed up the test, and i didn't put melissa's answers to good use at all. and i felt as though you know, like a selfish human being would, like why am i so stupid to share melissa's answers with them? and i felt terrible thinking that way. because melissa lent me her answers to be a blessing to me, so i should spread the blessing to others too.

it's as though God keeps testing me, stretching my patience and my faith this sem. putting me in many situations where i'd fall in my walk in Him, doubting Him and yet you all keep saying i have a childlike faith. i really don't deserve this. i wish i could be strong in my faith, and not go into periods of highs and lows.

yar, but i was just asking God again to just touch me once more. and i suddenly feel that all this while i've been coming to God with a wrong heart. i come to God expecting Him to bless me. Expecting Him to do something good. and i realise that is not resting in Him at all. i am His servant and obeying Him is something i should do. (i noe the bible did mention something like tat lar) Not that God doesn't want to bless me or what, but my focus has been on the blessings, and not on God.

i haven't learnt to let go. letting go is the hardest thing i can do right now. but i told God that even though i may fail in my modules eventually or what, i will still continue to praise God. because i already have what i need in this life, and that's enough for me. doing badly is just a phase in life, but praising God is never-ending. and i know in future i will encounter setbacks and i may falter in my faith, but i will rise up again and continue to praise Him. yup, that's my prayer to Him.

and i thought of this song:

i was made to praise You
i was made to glorify Your name
in every circumstance
to find a chance to thank You
i was made to love You
i was made to worship at Your feet
and to obey You lord
i was made for You.

star light star bright
hihi fiona here!!! wanna tell yah abt this incredible guy who came to my church last Sunday to share the word with us. he is known as Brother Yun fr China....also known as the heavenly man (he had a book written abt him) i havent got the chance to read the book yet but this is roughly what i knoe. he became a christian when he was 16 n at that age he has converted thousands of ppl. makes u feel small n think about how much u have done for God is so little in comparison to him. at that time, christians in china faced a lot of persecution fr the government. n it was so very diff for him to get a bible...but he prayed very hard n one day two guys came knocking at his door with a bible. one of them had a vision fr God to ask his fren to pass the bible to brother Yun. makes u think how lucky we r...we can get or buy a bible so easily. one day..i think he was having something like a cell grp meeting when the police got tipped off abt their meeting. he tried to escape but he heard a voice telling him to jump thru the window. he did just dat n jumped into the police's hands. the police laughed at him n ask him if he thot of escaping...he said yes if he could...they broke his legs to stop him fr escaping no more. he was thrown into an individual dark cell. again a voice told him to stand up n walk out of the cell. he believed just dat n miraculously his legs r healed n he walked out of the jail without any one catching him. there was a taxi waiting for him outside some more. its just so unbelievable n wonderful! or not he wont be standing there dat day sharing his story with us. so many ppl turn up that day to hear him speak.many ppl in china like him r persecuted for the faith. must pray for them. i remember reading newspapers abt undergrd churches in china...how ppl secretly attend churches. bcoz the legal churches r greatly controlled by the govt n teachings r unorthodox.

Hello dears... jus din wan to leave the blog silent... so yup decided to post something. Jus want to say that i feel really encouraged to see you all growing so much in the Lord. It's like nowadays, i just know that i'll see you all at svc, not becos' u all have to but becos u wan to. :) Jus feel so glad! JO- thanks for trying to lighten y burdens... coming up with the diff roles in cell. really appreciate it. ANd also congrats on completing post enc- i hope that thru' it you have known God better, and will be excited bout SOL 1..etc.. not cos of the structure of things but cos God will meet you all.. Des- Thanks for sharing with me bout the pple you are reaching out too.. it really encourages me to keep praying for the pple God has shown me.. you are really that "silent killer", without much words, with u ard, i will jus feel happy, also i know God is pleased that you have not stopped sharing the love of his, cos this is the esssence of christainity to Love God and Love the people, of which both are necessary. I know that ur prayers are powerful, cos they are really sincere ones. Vonne- thanks also for listening to me when i needed a listening ear.. really glad to see you growing so much in GOd.. you are really one of a childlike faith.. Just believing Him and practicing what you have learnt... i believe that GOd is pleased 'cos he says" unless we become like the child, we will not enter HIs kingdom" . Continue practicing that faith of yours. Grace- Thanks for always being so sweet, all the notes, etc. You have really been someone very affirming. Glad to see you grow in the area of forgiveness, etc.. wana affirm you that you have grown.. Hope to see u baptised soon.. i Know that GOd will continue speaking to you wherever you are, you just gotta open up your heart to HIm and hunger k.
Fiona- Thanks for your calls from australia, really appreciate it that u remembered me.. DUn feel out of action k.. cos i know wherever u are God's with you and He will helpp you grow... My prayer is that in Aust, God will see your growth thru and you will came back stronger for Him. really encouraged to see you grow so much thru the enc... thanls for the little gestures that mattered alot, the hashbrown u gave me at mac, the words of encouragement, always trying to participate in cell, by answering questions and responding to me (hee.. i notice on u noe) Really looking forward to the day you will be back.. Stay faithful for God k... we have not forgotten u and we miss you!
:)

Hmm.... as for the rest could i will coninue another time.. but could someone really jus help the law pple in coming to the blog? Rem- we gotta love the pple, esp those in the family... :)
Lets press on in uniting the cell as one an in winning the whole NUS@!

Pray that you guys will be excited bout movin on to SOL... do it together k.. GOd is waiting for you all..

Let's also spur the rest on, like chong chwan, kc, mich, yunhui to join us for svc.. keep em in prayer yeah!
DO keep the progress with the 3 pple you are praying for, posted up here... Miss you all.. see u all on fri, 930. -mel

hey guys!!~ ;) hmmm.....its me again...hmm..i wanna talk about forgiveness.hehe!! hmm.. as some of u all know..i was with this guy called sean...my ex boyfriend..and i was in bad terms with him frm jan..hmm..quite a while..but dun recall how long it was. yup..i had lotsa grudges against him..and he accused me of something which i didnt do to him. haiz..but nevermind...had all forgetten abt him n what happened le... =)

hmmm...at encounter..we were to forgive the people that has hurt us in the past n as long as people has hurt us...i was ready to forgive anyone...esp sean..who was called a moron by me in the past..hahaha!! ok,but i stop le lah....at first after the encounter wkend,i thought that i had forgiven him but realised i havent when i see him ard or ppl talk to me about him..when i feel very ANGRY...feels that he needs a jian da...keke..=P yah,i know i very bad ya..hee!! wanna forgive also very hard leh...there was this voice in me saying...be angry,be angry..dont forgive him cos u cant forgive n u're not a forgiving person.....i know tt was de evil one..but i jus still find it very hard lah at that time..then i talked to melissa about it..asking her to help me forgive him. =)

Last tue i think..(9/3/04)..melissa helped me say the forgiveness prayer ..=) yea..hmm.. after saying the prayer..i felt that i've forgived him...YAY!! hahaa.....been waiting for this moment to come..keke..cos by not forgiving him.im doing more damage to myself.. hmmm yah...

Felt happier after saying the forgiveness prayer after that...and melissa,thanx for ur $1 winnie the pooh raincoat hp chain..hehee..!! yep..i turned back one for u har...=) hehe!! forgiveness is really a great feeling man...after holding onto it for ages and ages.. finally i've forgiven him (sean)...yup!!! now i dont hear the voice in me saying: "cant forgive,dont forgive.u r not a forgiving person".....=) yep. the voice is GONE! ;) now i really know the true meaning of forgiveness n how it's like forgiving a person

so guys.....im sure u are able to forgive anyone in ur life that has hurt u in any way n whatever he/she has said/done to u...for our God is a forgiving God..yep....tk care ya..

-grace-

ok guys!! FINALLY i have made up my mind..ok,i have decided to leave!! eh.. dont be sad k??? =) dont want u all to be affected by my leaving/absence.

i decided finally to leave cause after all these yrs of bible study with my friend since sec4 till this year in february..didnt want our time n effort to go down the drain!!~ and she knows me more than i do in certain ways...hehe!!!! i know that once i leave..i wont be able to come back le..but really i have made up my choice..

wanna THANK ALL of YOU for making my time in the cell a MEMORABLE one... =) THANKS EVERYONE..

ok.i know this is kinda short..but i dont know what else to say liao!! =) do i sound like im leaving s'pore for good? haha.. =P i wont be able to attend cell and congre meetings le..but somehow..i'll think of ways to go for congre yah... ;) yep!!

i'll be meeting new people..gotta make friends all over again.....will try to adapt of how they function everything that they are running over there.. yeah!! u all take care yah!! will still attend service with u guys??? err....... n maybe like i'll be in touch centre for maybe 1 or 2weeks....i'll let u all know again yeah!! no need to book seats for me huh.. =P

Just wanna wish EVERYONE ALL the BEST in wadever u do...and future endeavours... cya guys n gals!!~ ;) God bless!!! take care

i am so excited about God's plans. remember the prayer whereby you pray for 3 of your friends to come believe in Christ?

I can see God's hands at work.

I don't know what happened exactly but i've come to know that my friend is going through a rough patch in her life. (erm, she didn't tell it to me face to face) i wanted to go up to her and pray for her but i didn't really dared to. what if she rejects me?? she doesn't really believe in God, that i know.

i tried mustering up my courage the whole day to bring myself to ask, "can i pray for you?" but i swallowed down my words each time i see her. suddenly, because of an assignment she had to come over to my house to finish the project with me. this wasn't planned at all.

but my heart was pounding coz i could feel that this is a chance from God. when she finally came over, she was her usual jovial self and i thought to myself, maybe i'll just pray for her during QT i guess. but after dinner she just starting toking about her problems to me. i was amazed coz i tot she would never bring it up to me. esp since i'm not terribly close to her. but she just kept toking and i kept prompting her to continue because i can feel that she needs a listening ear.

as first she was saying things in a matter-of-fact manner but as she continued she got more and more upset. and i was shaking too. i just felt terribly sad for her, to the point that i almost wanted to cry too. and i just said, "can i pray for you?" she was hesitant though but i just insisted coz i know she really needs Jesus to heal her.

Praise God. i managed to pray for her and i rest in the knowledge knowing that God will put His hands upon her. my prayer was not fantastic, i fumbled for words and got tongue-tied even. but i know these dun matter because God heard my prayer. and i know this is just the beginning of God's work. I pray to God that this friend of mine will come to accept Jesus as her saviour one day and we'll all rejoice in the house of the Lord.

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul."
Psalms 143 : 8

-vonnie

Hello all.. just some update bout wad God spoke to me yesterday... :) I went for SoL last nigh, it was on healing.. most of us might think that healing only applies for physical healing.. but in fact there is much more, it includes others like healing of relationship, sickness in the soul caused by sin.. etc...

It's like, God suddenly told me that all these about G12 and evangelism is not solely in the number.. i mean so what if you have a big cell, subzone, it doesn't make you any more holier or more loved by God.. what GOd told me is " The evil one is here to rob, steal and destroy, but GOd came to give each of u including myself, life and life in abundance." The question then to me is " Melissa, do you have the heart for the pple, IT's not about having a big tribe but a big heart"

Then in my heart i realised how i can be patient towards difficult pple, how i can perservere in chasing after the lost sheep, how i can love and not be diappointed. It is to see the need of the people and know in my heart that God has sent me to heal and love, doesn't matter if i think i am not able to, doesn't matter if things doesn't go the way i want to... as long as God is with me, i am annointed and he will use me.. YOu know durin this whole G12, Pastor kept making us say " I am God's annointed".. it really spoke so much to me 'cos i have always felt that i need more of GOd's annointing and not to flow in the flesh (not shure if any of u can rem me sharing this) but the truth is " I AM GOD's ANNOINTED".

My aim for this year/period.. is i want to see my spiritual children healed, healed from infirmities, physical illnesses, illness in the heart, emotions, self dislike, pessimissm unforgiveness see them all living an abundant life and confident bout whu they are in christ. My prayer to you oh Lord is that right now, i pray that they will desire to be set free and desire to lead that abundant life.. 'cos the only thing i belive that can stand in the way of healing is "unwillingness and disbelief". :)

Actually supposed to meet val (think i told u all b4 rite?) but hmmm.. she's still sleeping.. hee... so i am here writing this.. but i know it's a spiriual war.. i will continue to love her and show her that i am always here.. SO.. well i am ready for second round...

YUP... wanna tell u all i love u all.. that you are all so special to me... I know God made each of you so different and i really see the beauty in you all and am excited about wad GOd is doing and wana do in your life... LOve... NOt forgetting fiona too.. :) Pray that God will provide u with a church.. waiting for the day that u will be back with us.. :)

In HIs LOve, Melissa

hey hey!!~ =) i know i have been talking abt it since last fri? err.....about me moving on to another tribe....which would be under pastor seng lee n pastor josephine..hmm..my deadline is 14march..haiz!! hmmm...ever since i joined the cell..i felt like quite happy..like got the welcome feeling...erm,ok..actually its normal for a cell to welcome new members..duh!! =P hehe...i shall state my reasons now...for staying and leaving kz..or rather disadvantages n advantages... =) hope i dun make ya bored!!!

reasons for staying:
-can get along
-u pple are very nice to talk to
-crappy? haha
-age gap not tt big
-feel comfortable
-nearer for me
-sorta fairfield cell? errr....
-hv the same topic to talk about
-FUN people to be with
-we all live near by..at least all of us leave in the west =) ( can accompany each other )

my reasons for leaving:
-my friend (discipler) hv been taking me bible study since i was sec4
-understands me very well
-knows my spiritual life better
-she can understand/know my spiritual life better

for reason 3 n 4 : -knows my spiritual life better, -she can understand/know my spiritual life better...im not saying tat u guys or melissa cannot get to know my spiritual life better..but i think/feel that my discipler understands me better.....n now tt i jus join the cell...hmm.i'll tk some time before u all can know/understand me. hmm,ya..i meant no offence to EVERYONE here k... =) im just stating whats on my mind..

Disadvantages:
-quite far for me
-spend more $$$ on travelling
-no one to talk to
-feel so SMALL amoung them (haha)

Advantages:
-my friend can take care of me? haha..as if i cant..cos their tribe got alot of pple
-my friend and i can accompany each other back on the way hm (altho i'll alight first)
-my few vocalists that i know can help me know whats going on n tk care of me? hahaha

just wanna say THANKS to everyone for making the cell a fun n happening cell...i hope i dont wanna make this my another ex cell....this is my best cell man.. not tt cos we're made up of fairfield ppl...but ya,the ppl are jus nice to be with.....i jus wanna thank everybody individually.. =)

hmm... =) wanna thank jolene,for keeping in touch since last yr aft ndp/great escape n being so nice to me..n her friendship..=) eva so understanding,caring n approachable
wanna thank melissa for being so eva friendly,caring,understanding,for ya prayer that u prayed for me,enthu abt knowing me?,advices,making me feel comfortable in the cell n everything...her SMELL on her pink "blanket" is SOOO NICE..got the melissa smell.so nice.melissa,capture sm smell of urs for me? haha..just jk =P i like her smell.. so XIANG .. =)
wanna thank desiree...for telling me advice,friendly,caring,fun to be with =)
wanna thank yvonne, for being so crappy n nice..bearing with my fairfield story. hahaaha..and so caring n friendly.
wanna thank michelle for being so friendly..altho i dun really know u.
wanna thank kc for being so crappy,friendly n nice to talk to n "plot" ? hahaha..no lah =P
wanna thank yunhui for being friendly,nice..cos i dun really know u,sori ah..
wanna thank chong chwan(correct spelling,if nt sorri ah) for being a blessing to the cell n playing the guitar on e first cg mtg.. =P
wanna thank fiona for accompanying me in the encounter wkend camp n being so nice so nice,caring..

ok.my brain is bursting. i type so much le...=P boring right? haha...wadever!! =P hehe..anyway...if i move on to pastor seng lee n pastor josephine tribe together with my friend,can i still log on here n chat with u guys n attend svc together?? hee.."*bey hao pai*" thick skin.. ya..u guys tk care n ya...cya soon..missya .......best cell..
rock on pple!!~ =) *poof*

-grace-

hey hey haven't been posting for a long time hee.

This is just a personal note from me. about God working in my life. yep. saying all these, i just wanna say..

THANK YOU JESUS!

i mean learning the guitar was quite an amazing journey for me to learn about how much He understands me. yup...it's not just about learning how to strum, fingering the chords, or memorising songs...it is much much more than that.

i've felt a sense of purpose. maybe not so much about the destiny that the pastors have been talking about during services but i just feel so lucky that He provided me this chance to show me that He has greater things in store for me. and learning the guitar is just the tip of the iceberg.

i dun profess myself to be a quick learner n all that...in fact...i'm quite D-U-H at times haha. as u all can tell. but its really amazing amazing how i learn new things each time i pick up the guitar n play. like strumming while singing...now i can say that i pluck strings much much better than i was...n i noe a few chords at hand. (though everything is not fantastic lar haha but i believe i WILL get BETTER) each time i learn these things i am reminded of all those prayers that i've prayed to God about. to pick up the skill...most of all to sustain the interest. now i cannot get past each day now without touching my guitar...and it has helped me in my worship too :)

i have learnt humility too. to attribute all that i've learnt back to God. to not forget who was the one who blessed me with all these. He blessed me with friends who helped me in my learning...like mel n nuanyi. Blessed me with the songbook that i found (or rather He showed) while surfing net one day. Yup. and all these have shown me how real He is.

So speaking thus, I am only saying that He has fulfilled His promise to me and He will fulfill His promise to you too. And for those who r waiting...like Grace...I am sure one day you will find forgiveness in your heart for that person(s). Find one thing in your life that God has touched and blessed. Magnify it and you'll see that He has done many many wonderful things for you. Hope u all have a blessed blessed week!

CAN'T WAIT FOR G12!!!!! melissa will be so proud of me...coz i'm so enthu hahaha.

-vonnie

Hey guys! sorry for the long absence. thought of posting this up to help us remember God's words and his precious lessons better :)

~Word on 18/2: Mercy~

A little excercise to begin with:

- on a scale of 1 - 10, rate how forgiving you are.
(10 being very forgiving and 1 being unforgiving, relatively speaking)

Why do we need forgiveness?
1) so that others and ourselves will not give up being a better person and to give one another a chance to turn over a new leaf
2) because God has forgiven us of our sins, even when we were still unworthy of his love

[Turn to 2 Cor 2:7]

Sometimes we find it hard to offer forgiveness. but at other times we find it hard to receive forgiveness, because we have not forgiven ourselves.

[Turn to Col 3:13]

We have a choice when we encounter conflicts or other unpleasant situations. that is, whether we want to use our time and energy for --- RESOLUTION or RETALIATION.

what are some of the things stopping us from forgiving someone?

- many cannot differentiate between trust and forgiveness.
Comparision:
1) Forgiveness needs to be IMMEDIATE vs trust needs to be BUILT OVER TIME
2) Forgiveness is required for PAST events vs trust refers to FUTURE events

That means, we 'forgive' immediately but need not 'trust' immediately. Only after we forgiven then can we trust.

Also, other feelings like anger and bitterness may be expressed openly but forgiveness has to be something from within. Thus, sometimes we can put up a front of having forgiven someone while still holding grudges in the heart. That will not be true forgiveness.

and also think about how to APPLY this in your life.
- is there someone you have not found the strength to forgive him/her?
- is there someone you thought you have forgiven but still feel grudgeful towards?

Always forgive because GOD'S FORGIVENESS IS UNCONDITIONAL :)

Hope God spoke to you.

keeping you in prayer always!

-jo

Hello fiona here again! Still got one more day before I fly off. It has been such a great experience knowing God n u guys for these two very short mths...thank u all. U may think I might be too immature, not sociable, independent or adaptable enough to go for this exchange prog...u r rite I am not... I am trying to learn how to be such a person. Actually I was supposed to apply with my frens...one backed out bcoz of boyfren n e other bcoz of poor results. But I decided to go ahead just to try my luck...coz cant go in third yr mah. I could have drop out of it at one point or try to sabotage my application but didn’t leh. I cant say I was dat excited to go without my frens plus no one from ntu is going there loh. Thinking abt it now I am sure God had meant it dat way...David in psalm 139 said God fashioned all the days of our lives even before we were born. I am sure where ever I go he will be there w me always! Actually I am not sure y I was so insistent on going to aus...could have gone some asian country w a lower exchange rate. Sob! spend so much $$$ liao...I feel really bad. About $ 6000 liao so far on comp, visa, insurance, rent, admin charges. I knoe I will pay my parents back double e amt when I start working! Dats a bit ambitious! Previously I am just this worried freak, worrying abt who will be my hostel mates, project group or who will be my frens. Coz I am just slacking at home mah so I become this freak just counting down the no of days as if to doom’s day n scolding myself for stupidly putting myself thru all this stress n worries. I could have just stayed in spore n feel unsatisfied n bored w my life! For the encounter weekend, Pastor Debra gave me this verse Matthew 6:31-34. How applicable man! Its so strange n surprising coz I dun really show this side of me in frt of others…its an internal turmoil thingie. As 1 john 4: 15-18 says there is no fear in love; but perfect luv casts out fear bcoz fear involves torment but he who fears has not been made perfect in luv.
( application?) I was thinking hey if I fill my thots n heart w God’s luv...y should I be afraid or worried abt anything! Now I am praying for a lot of courage...the worry freak voice seems to have become softer n softer...it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to liao. I am kind of excited to go there after such a long wait! No matter how diff going these 4 mths will be...I am sure I can always depend on him. Praise e Lord!

Google