words can never be enough.

Indecisive me
mel ask me to blog about the career path i want to take so that everyone can pray specifically. Sigh...i feel depressed thinking about this. I feel like Alice in wonderland coming to a fork in the road and asking GOD aka the chesire cat which road to take. i really dun knoe. i really wish i can hv more passion, aim n direction in life. but it really doesnt matter which road i take as I knoe he is at the end of it.

Expected salary: $1800 ( i prefer to work bcoz i enjoy not bcoz of pay)
Jobs that I am praying for in order of preference:
1) teaching related ( i really do enjoy teaching but the door of opportunity is not open n i do doubt if i am cut up for it a not)
2) admin related ( even thou i really dun like but i see myself more suited to it)
3) marketing communications/ promotions related ( for the sake of my degree but i m not really suited to it)

I pray for more doors of job opportunities to be opened and for the LORD to show me some direction of the career path i should take.

believing in his hope everyday

hey fiona here! got sth to share with u all. been reading the bible from cover to cover since last year...havent made much progress thou. so this year i have decided to wake up early every morning to read at least a few chapters. anyway i have to wake up really early to expect the phone call to do relief teaching for the morning session. but it has really been disheartening for me not to receive any assignments in the first week of Jan.....have been bumping around at home...slacking for more than one month. no interviews either.

10th Jan, I was reading all about Habakkuk. how the prophet question GOD directly about the injustice of his own ppl n ask for help. But GOD seem to remain silent for a time but not forever. i was then thinking abt my unanswered prayers to open doors of opportunity and to give me some direction and hope regarding my future. The student bible that i hv been reading assured me that my future belongs to GOD, that as a believer i should cling on to the truth embodied in 2:4. The righteous will live by his faith ---- meaning that righteous ppl must patiently trust GOD in a difficult time. which brings to mind what PD said abt patience - waiting patiently for the Lord. Habakkuk ended the book rejoicing and finding strength in the Lord no matter how hard life have become.

11th Jan, the next book was Zephaniah where the prophet unlike the previous prophets predicted a remade world that is learning to worship the Lord...a very positive outlook despite the bleak circumstances. Haggai spoke to me alot where the prophet urge everyone to give careful thought to their situation as they need to put GOD first n rebuild his temple. 2: 1-9 shows how GOD had glorious plans for Israel n that his presence will be with them in their prosperity. i felt assured of the glorious plans he had for me, telling me not to fear and that he is with me. by faith in 2: 19 where he said from this day on i will bless you. i copied the verse in my journal n put the date 11th Jan.

Little did i knoe that day, i received two contacts for tuition...never mind that its not really confirmed. n that evening while attending the council meeting at HQ, i received a call for the key contact person fr unity primary to confirm that i am doing relief teaching. i was really surprised it was after school hours n she used her handphone. Oh man the next day i had the assignment and then she decide to book me for the whole of next week or even longer for afternoon session. i am keeping my fingers crossed, she will call to confirm on monday. i hope she dun give the assignment away to someone else coz of recruitment i miss friday session n also coz i hv claimed it liao. downside is i can say bye bye to GB every friday. then also next day receive a call for an interview on monday. public liaison officer at URA. not really keen on handling summonses n traffic offenses stuff. but i will try.....i really dread interviews. probably fall to pieces in front of 3 interviewers...pls pray dat i wont. I thank GOD for the unexpected change in the situation but all is not well as i kana rejected a second time for teaching...quite disappointed. still stumbling along n wondering what is in store as my future career but at least i knoe he is in control.

subzone outing.

hey all,

didn't get a chance to say. please spread the word that Mel's goal for the new year is to build the bigger family. thus, we'll have subzone outings monthly :) when she's back it will start!

entering a new year with God

happy new year to all my sisters! i just realised i haven't had the time to check out the blog and wow, got so many new updates already. i've missed out on so many things. anyway, it was really fun counting down and celebrating the new year in church even though i thought the counting down part might not be fun. but i would like to correct it, because after the experience, it was fun because God was there and i believe we all learnt something from ps william's message. also, from ps khong's message. but one thing they had in similar was about not being late and it really spoke to me. i will try to be early for service from now on (i don't want to be locked out,haha). and i will pay more attention during the word. i will be serious about God. and really, it's all about God so let's just check out hearts if we are there for Him. and then, let's party hard and celebrate Him every week! wah, got so many things to change in this new year. haha. but i believe, when we have done all these, people will see that we are serious about God and why He is so important.

yup, and from the celebration, the songs are really a source of inspiration as well. i really like the lyrics of the songs. and they've been playing in my head since last night. let me just write here, hahaa.

and even though sometimes your ways i cannot understand
i'll never walk away because my future's in your hands
i don't care what people will say. i'm running after you!
i won't turn back and go their way. i'm running after you!
no matter what may come my way. i'm running after you!
it's you i'm following today! i'm running after you!

i wonder if everyone has new year resolutions, but one of mine is to keep running after Him. honestly, i am very afraid of the year that is coming as well because i don't know what is ahead (like anyone knows), but ya. i am afraid of drifting away, so do remind me to run after Him! and here, thank you for your christmas cards because they really encourage me to run this race.

tell the world that Jesus lives
tell the world that, tell the world that
tell the world that He died for them
tell the world that He lives again
c'mon c'mon let's tell the world about You
c'mon c'mon let's tell the world about You

and as i sang this song, i felt that i haven't been telling the world about Him enough. i think God has presented chances where people i just know in the past year has talked to me about Christianity. but i've always lacked the courage to talk to them more about it. i don't know if i've let chances go by or if i should wait for a better time, like until i know them better. sometimes i really want to tell them about God but i don't know where to start and i don't know how to say. tongue-tied is the word. so i hope this year, God can give me the courage and the words to tell the world about Him. i remember talking to someone about feeling disappointed when we see salvations from other subzones but not our own. but this year, i want to not feel disappointed when the people we bring or talk to do not have any reaction. i pray that this year i can just go out and talk to them about God no matter what their reaction might be. at least, i told them there's someone called Jesus who died for them and the joy He can give. and i just felt the prompting to tell 12 people about Him this year. and when i reached home, after some calculations, i realised i got 1 month to tell one person about Him. haha. but i realised it's all guy friends. i don't really like, but blah, i will try to tell them about Jesus, cuz God is not sexist. haha.

To my lovely sheep: Update

Dear gers... jus a small update..i will continue blogging.. a source and outlet of my voice... Jus wan to confess that i haven been updating cos i din noe the password and id.. oppss.. heh... Glad to see you all growing in independance and unity.. keep going.. all these process will be worth it all...

In the month of novemeber, have been excited about the coming new year... 'cos deep in my heart.. i know that the Lord wans to give me a fresh beginning in the coming year... Though the final will be beautiful.. as He has promised that He makes all things beautiful in His time.. The process towards it sure is tough.As i go thru thru process of pruning.. i realised what emotional pain and physical pain is all about.

Emotional pain is when u loss someone that matters so much to you.. it's really like a piece of flesh sliced of from ur heart... you heart keeps bleeding yet you have noe idesa how to stop the bleeding.. the shrinking feeling from the heart.. the unfamiliar and aloft coldness jus makes one shudder at the thought of it.

Physical pain isn't easy either.. in this process of healing from the operation.. i feel so much like a child.. helpless.. weak... this feeling is terrible.. each time i need attention, i need to ring that bell, which my current personal nurse has kindly provided.. from walking to going to the toilet, to eating.. you can't help yourself.. i realise that i really dislike feeling weak and being helped yet not even being able to express gratitude.. maybe the Lord i teaching me about recieving the unconditional love of His.. simply not expecting return..

In both pains.. what keeps me frustrated is not knowing when the pain will end.. it's just living day by day.. hoping that the pain the heart will fade.. that over time the person becomes less important.. it's just hoping that day by day, the swelling will reduce and you are able to do more things on ur own..

Yet the Lord is moudling me in patience.. be still and know He is God in control..Over time, i learn to give thanks for every little thing in all circumstances.. that seem to increase the faith in me.. to the fact that i am able to breathe more air to the fact tat i can sleep more.. the feeling was terrible.. when that night i cldn't breathe.. i did not wan to disturb my parents.. i know they are tired.. yet i do not want to go back to the hospital... where you are jus stuck to the bed.. counting each passing minute. i was reminded how christ took each breathe with great pain.. i was gasping for air..i tried to even breathe thru my mouth which is tightly sealed.. tho it hurts, i have no choice.. i can't sleep.. for the fear that i might stop breathing and jus pass away.. i really felt like giving up.. even this act of breathing.. all i cld do was call upon His name..and keep meditating upon Psalms23.

My dad woke up to watch tv with me.. he knew my fears tired as he was... he kept assuring me that it was temporal.. Thank God in the next morning.. i tried sth new.. sneezing out stuff frm my swollen nose..all the blocked up stuff came out.. and i was able to breathe..Now my daily routine includes:1) clear nose2) gurgle mouth3) eat food4) take medicine5) bathe6) moisturize mouth7)take medicine8) eat9) bathebaths and icing of the body is my favourite.. delievers me of the discomfort temporarily.. even though i have stocked up lotsa entertainment.. i still can't find the strength to carry them out.. but i still wana claim the speedy recovery.. in the midst of it all.. my mum recieved a word from the Lord.. psalms 91. I jus wan to give thanks that i have the Lord to walk thru this with me.. i really wonder how others go thru it without Him.

By the way, does peng have this blog info??
=)

more than friends.

wow, the way val recorded the event makes everything sound so interesting... i mean, it was interesting lah :) it was quite sad that yiting and nuanyi couldnt even come, and oh fiona on her holiday too... but nevertheless, those who were around really made things special.

friday night it was nice just lying on the beach and seeing the few shining stars in the nightsky. and finally, we didnt have to converse via msn into the wee hours of the morning... we had a chance to talk LIVE! despite the little hours slept, it was really comfortable knowing that your friends are around you. i remember pastor debra when she prayed for unity said that we are more than friends but family. :) i enjoyed the night cycling, to just feel the wind blowing against our faces was a peaceful feeling, and a moment of forgetting all the cares and worries. whats memorable was the running in the rain together, the coldness and the wetness just gives one a sense of liberty, an out of norm sort of feeling.

the getting ready for dinner was amusing as the girls stood around fussing over my hair and my make-up. i said i felt like a white mouse. nevertheless, i feel so blessed by this spiritual family. :) a friend commented that ive really found a good community. guess i am touched seeing how you guys really tried to help out, be it entertaining yourselves, or even talking to dae, passing me the tissue to give to my grandma... wow who passed me huh? all the little details. its always the small things that matter.

the present! heh. thanks. i see the effort behind it all...all the 5 AMs and the 6 AMs :)

guess what's significant about a family is that none is left behind or forgotten. dont we all miss mel? its amazing but yeh we prayed together and the next day her blocked nose was cleared!

may we grow stronger even when mel's not around. thank God for this family.

The Gathering

0ps i forgot to put my name.. Val here posting the entry below.. hahha..

The Gathering

As i made my way from des's chalet at East coast Coasta Sands today, i was listening to the songs by Reuben Morgan. A CD album left untouched and unheard in my mp3 player. I felt prompted to listen to it, so there i sat, on the bus 25, still, recollecting the things that happened the past two days... Quietly, i mumbled a prayer of thanks to the Lord for this gathering i found special.

I thought of the day i made my way to des's chalet. I had a dread in my heart, or rather i would call it a burden even though i look forward to the chalet and spending the nite out n stuff.. Dan was on my mind coz i replied his msgs...and i know i shouldn't but i din know how to handle him. I was tellin God to stop testing me anymore. But now, here i am thankin God for all the blessings.

Though we din really spend much time together, i thank God for all the fellow sisters in Christ that He has showered me with. I remembered that when i first accepted Christ, haha i told mel that i din know how to talk to girls and handle girls coz at that time, most of my friends were male...Here i am, talkin to them happily, singing songs and dancing 'fairy' n 'phoenix' dances..Really did tink that way, wad else do u have to lose talkin to these girls? as if they are so intimidating...These are the blessings that God showered me with, how abundant his love and blessings are!

And oh, hahha i managed to learn cycling. Thank God for charmaine, ys, des and von for patiently teaching me and giving me encouragements although i kept sayin that i cant do it...Thanks for des, von and charm who held on to me tightly in case i fall, and also ahha ys who ran all the way with me after i learnt to cycle, jus in case i fall too, coz she din teach me how to use the brake.. hahha... We had great time after that, playin guitar (of coz not me la..),singin songs n dancing, sumo-wrestling, playing sparklers (sponsored by Mr Sparkler) haha and of coz star-gazing... After which we went back to bathe n erm slp for awhile.. Though we missed the Pastor William's plannin on sat mornin, we had Reg to inform us.. But the previous day one was good, felt ministered and also that there was a renewal in the spirit, mind as well as heart.. mmm are they the same? oh well... renewal for God basically. =)

Second day was of coz tau-poking... not me but the birthday gal.. and charm n ys of coz.. hah it was fun coz me n von were just in charge of tau-pok iing other pp.. and watch them being tau-poked. hahha! Meet Reg at parkway to have lunch, gwen joined us a little later, but she left after awhile.. sigh, too bad she cant join us for the fun... But at least she had the heart to come down...des, hah ain't u touched? yupz u shud man.. hee... dinner was much later, but the bdae girl..yea had to entertained the rest of her frens n stuff...

Thank God for panda, u have been a g00d gal... ehh (sry i am quite high nw,bet von is sleepin alr). wad i mean is, u are really independent at ur age.!im proud of u hah coz i tink i cant do that man..but sometimes, i tink its tiring to do everyting alone, thats wad we are here for, to help u.. hah so dun be shy in askin for help. We are humans, not mighty mouse..and also gal, DARE TO BELIEVE THAT THE BROADRICK GALS WILL ACCEPT THE LORD THIS MOL. I BELIEVE THEY WILL, BE IT 1,2 OR 3 OF THEM..hee..yea and ys, although i know u guys wont read tis blog, or mayb seldom, but i reali wana affirm u that you have been doin a good job in serving the Lord by serving the people ard u (steppin outta comfort zone to talk to daeyna) .. Im proud of tis niece, hah im sure ur mum is also proud of you too! N yea von, hah mel did told me b4 that u are quite crappy n stuff, n though at times people may find u superficial, i have caught the caring sight of ya...yea that is the way u express ur love.. hah thank u for lettin me tis verse 'the joy of serving' is really made lighter when u offered to even acc me bring zhifu to expo.. hah the offer is good enuff, and i really appreciate it alot...Serving together, be it in GB or other tings really makes serving more fun and lighter...

Ain't these more than enuff blessings that the Lord has bless me with? Indeed the Lord lavishes His love on us.. I really like the song 'Christ Divine' and 'Keep me'. speaks of God's promises with us. Thank God that mum, sis and lyd is coming for MOL.. Im excited about Christmas and the tings the Lord is going to do in my life! I love you guys.

words can never be enough.

just came back from jurong east, went IMM n je popular bookstore with reg, von n charm.. was looking for someting for someone...tiring day, woke up late and went for gb recruitment late... =( everyting late, but thank god that zy,jy n ai shang came to help out and had a lil bondin with them... learnt to make plastic stars using straws.. its reali cool, plus i learnt knittin yesterday! thanks to fiona who was a good and patient teacher! hee...

its been ages since i blogged.. well... previously i wanted to, but then i forgot my password n userid to my own blog.. that goes to show how long i have not been blogging.. bleahh. watever..hah i know i am blur....thanks des for giving me the cell's blog, its reali nice seeing all these pics that we have taken together...GB camp just ended, was not bad though except that i wasnt reali in a very good state when i was handling this camp. At least there were officers helpin out and makin sure everyting goes well...thank God for them, i hope that they do learn someting outta the camp though...celebrated with mel n the entire subzone christmas at reg's hse, was fun and i hope that kat sees the love we have for one another.

Met up with my ex a couple of weeks ago, perhaps i shouldn't have. Last night he called again. 4 missed calls. I had to hide my handy under the pillow. It was so easy to just press the 'answer' buttton. But i just knew that i cant. Because this simple action will lead to disobedience, and i dun want to disobey, but the flesh is weak. I cant deny that fact. How time flies, 6 more days and i would have known him for 3 years. It has been 2 years since the break-up. But so? Have to move on and not live in deception. i will move on.

*lonestar*

early christmas.

a common love.

a common love for each other
a common gift to the Saviour
a common bond holding us to the Lord
a common strength when we're weary
a common hope for tomorrow
a common joy in the truth of God's word

in this family
we can meet each others' needs
we can light each one's path
we can bear each one's grief
as His children
we can comfort each care
we can build each one's faith
we can work we can share :)

birthday blessings.

they ended up in a whip cream fight. well, understandable for the under 20s. ;p

ps: if you want the orginal sized pics or more pics, msn me!

prayer- exam

on behalf of nuan yi:

12/9 Media Research Methods
14/9 Advertising

if you happen to see this, please keep our sister in prayer. :)

*waves to nuan yi* may the joy of the Lord be your strength and your hope, your energy and your focus. may you find rest as you surrender your small dreams into His hands. He will make all things beautiful!

entering the gates of heaven

why nobody updates posts anymore? let's blog and share what God has spoken to you so that we can encourage each other with our testimonies. =)

firstly, it just dawned upon me that life that is free may be an empty life. i have been so busy and have no free time for myself. however, it just came to my mind that even if i have all the free time for myself, i'll run out of things to do, i'll feel bored and empty after doing everything that can be done. life will become so meaningless and self centred if we live an idle life. people think going to church is too much of an activity for them. commitments are heavy and serving is never ending. this may be the reason why people do not want to go to church. and i so wish that i can have a lot of free time, but i suddenly got the revelation that i'd be so selfish and self centred if i live for myself alone. maybe then, i'd rather be busy and think more about others instead of just thinking for myself. when you are busy and have things to do, as in serving, it not only makes our lives more busy, interesting and it also helps us to think more for others. and soon, we might just find that we can be happier and forget about our own troubles and problems. life can be more meaningful and purposeful.

another thing that puts weight in my heart and that is the salvation of our families. many of us, our families have yet to accept Christ. and we've battled the prosecution that we faced. now that we do not really face the problem of prosecution anymore, i feel that it's time to really turn our attention from friends to family, not that we forget and neglect our friends, but also pray and bring our families to Christ. after all, they are the closest people to us on this earth. the ones who love you unconditionally. let's pray hard for open doors. =)

nothing matters, because He died

it is so true, that it doesn't matter whether we have been nice to everyone we meet or if we have been nasty, whether if i have shouted at my mum yesterday or have helped her to do work, whether i have gave up my seat on the bus or i have chosen not to see that old lady. it doesn't matter if i have done my quiet time yesterday, or if i have fallen asleep in the middle of my prayer. it doesn't matter if i have spoke about Christ to my friends, or if i have been gossiping about the world.

it doesn't matter if we have been good, or if we feel guilty and ashamed that we haven't been good enough. because we can never be perfect the way God is. and coming into the presence of God, He will take away all our sins and shame. He will take away all our guilt and self conviction. it is not what we do that earns us a place to stand before Him, but by His grace that we can stand in His presence. it is not by our might alone that we can be before Him, worshipping Him, but by His grace and mercy, His forgiveness and His grace.

many times, i have felt like i am not worthy to worship God. many times, i have felt like my life doesn't match up to Him. many a times, i have felt like i do not qualify to be there, praising and worshipping Him when i felt like i have not lived the way i should, like the way He did. for every day of my life i am sinning, every day i have done some things that i am not supposed to and yet not doing the things i am supposed to.

but today i understand that by the grace of God, we all can enter into His presence and worship Him. today i know that we are all sinners, standing before Him through His forgiveness and love. that He has chosen to die and forgive us, so that we can have the chance to wash away our sins and try to live again, the way He did. The cross gave us a chance to do the things we wished we did, it gave us room to change.

and today i heard Him say, if having one person to die means the whole world will be saved, why not? i'd give my life for the lives of the world.

thank you Jesus, for dying on the cross, for me.
___
pictures of us up for grabs
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v635/gurlfrommars/mac.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v635/gurlfrommars/mac1.jpg

*spent so much time trying to figure out how to put the photos like dez did for the batam trip, but couldn't. this is the best i can do. can put the pics but too big. so click on the url if u want the pics.

saturdays.

saturdays are good. on saturdays i always feel like im in another world altogether. no school the next day to worry about. seeing people who matter the most (apart from the physical family members) to me. it doesnt matter if im in the mood for talking or not in the mood for talking. i can choose to smile or not. saturdays mean being with people i feel like i can be myself with, and with people who i feel are interested in my life and in me as a person. well, people who love me in the love of Christ. :)

the verse we read in service today is lovely isn't it? i thank God each time i remember you.

may the family be built up so that no one gets forgotten or left behind. more hanging out at the 24 hour macs!